Chinese Guys – When West Dates East

I Heart Competition (#335)

In BC times (“Before Child”), my Chinese American husband never missed a gift-giving occasion. Flowers were delivered on my birthday, or sometimes, “just because.” There were platinum earrings to match my engagement ring at Christmas. An emerald necklace was mine on Valentine’s Day.

It took me a while to realize part of Andy’s motivation was to overshadow—and in some cases replace outright— all gifts from previous boyfriends.

In AD times (“After Dalton”), Andy’s gift-giving prowess deserted him. One year he completely spaced on stuffing my stocking (a huge family tradition) or giving me any Christmas presents. Since that was the first year we didn’t spend Christmas with my family, that meant I had nothing to open on Christmas morning.

Our son actually stopped stuffing his face with gummy worms, looked over his giant wall of toys/crumpled wrapping paper, and said, “Mommy, you must have done something terrible.” Continue reading I Heart Competition (#335)

Don’t Whine, Ditch That White Boy (#259)

There’s plenty of whining on social media.

My favorite GOP whine, which I find hilarious as a former Washingtonian, comes from current Trump/ Republican staffers in D.C. The Trumpers complained that they are harassed and ostracized by locals; instead of touting their proximity to power as Obama staffers did, they vaguely mumble about working for the government when asked about their jobs. (I love you, D.C.!)

A similarly entertaining whine comes from the 62% of white American males who voted for Trump: women hate them. Women won’t date them. Women will actually ditch them in the middle of a date, upon learning that they are GOP supporters. Women have divorced husbands who voted for Trump.

Meanwhile, on Twitter and Instagram, my fellow white women are also whining, especially those who are college-educated and have advanced degrees. It’s apparently quite hard to find a white partner who is educated, motivated, unthreatened by a woman’s success, shares domestic chores, and doesn’t cheat.

That squares with what I remember back when I was dating.

It also squares with what I’ve heard from other Mom-friends at book clubs or playdates: their white husbands suck. Continue reading Don’t Whine, Ditch That White Boy (#259)

Andy’s Guide to Gift-Giving (and Marriage) #245

Once upon a time, my future husband gave me thoughtful, expensive presents. On one of our early dates, we rode an elephant together (before we knew better, sorry, wildlife defenders everywhere). Elephants had been my favorite animal as a child, in part because “elephants never forget.” Not being forgotten is the childhood fantasy of every middle child in an enormous family who has been left at school, ballet, or the Trailways bus station.

Andy didn’t forget why I loved elephants or our date. Andy got me a gold and emerald elephant pendant for Christmas that year.

Andy learned I liked old-fashioned, unique jewelry. He found an Edwardian ring design and worked with a jeweler to have it modified and cast in platinum for an engagement ring.

I said yes. Eventually.

When Your Asian Guy Won’t Fight For You (#157)

This spur-of-the-moment midnight post might not be for everyone. But a fellow Western Woman involved with an Asian Male is heartsick now. Maybe there are a few other women out there running into this same cultural clash.

Maybe I can help. So here I am, riding in on my white horse, with this post about one of the biggest struggles I face with my Chinese-American guy. Not every white woman’s experience will mirror mine, and not every guy with Chinese parents will turn out like Andy. But some of you might see just enough of the same dynamic to find our story helpful.

*****

In my white, American family, dissent was acceptable. Continue reading When Your Asian Guy Won’t Fight For You (#157)

One Beastly Dance (#73)

My Chinese-American husband and I met in the competitive partner dancing world. My boyfriend/ partner at the time (Ethan) didn’t want to compete anymore. He said, “Hey, you should dance with Andy.”

THAT was a tactical error. Continue reading One Beastly Dance (#73)

An Interview with Andy & Instructions for Meeting Women (#55)

This was supposed to be my first “Guest Post,” written entirely by my Chinese-American guy, Andy. It only took me five months of badgering, and I was super excited about it. His deadline was yesterday.

This morning, Andy showed me his post. It was a one-page flow chart. Continue reading An Interview with Andy & Instructions for Meeting Women (#55)

Dirty Laundry (#53)

Dan Savage has a very funny and oh-so-true post about the myth of finding “the one:”

…[when] you meet somebody for the first time…they’re presenting their idealized self to you… Continue reading Dirty Laundry (#53)

Once Upon a Time, When We Were Just Friends (#50)

You can learn a lot about a guy when you’re stuck in airport lines.

My Chinese-American fiancé and I were friends and dance partners for a long time before we got romantically involved. We spent a ton of time together at airports and hotels, not to mention the dance floor. We got to know each other very well. Continue reading Once Upon a Time, When We Were Just Friends (#50)

Why Andy is Handy (#48)

Andy installs his own tile floors and fixes toilets. For real.

My Chinese-American fiancé isn’t confrontational. As a child, if Andy so much as disagreed with his father, he’d get a knuckle in the head. Andy’s parents didn’t care what he thought, what he wanted, or whether he agreed with their plans. Jay and Sunny did what they thought was best. They expected their children to fall in line. Continue reading Why Andy is Handy (#48)

Dating Horror Stories, or, How I Met JM (#47)

Jocelyn Eikenburg, unofficial President of the AMWF Cyber Society, recently posted several pieces on Speaking of China about the perception that interracial dating and interracial relationships are more difficult than coupling within your own race.

Well, I can’t speak for everyone else, but dating my Chinese-American guy Andy was SO easy. Continue reading Dating Horror Stories, or, How I Met JM (#47)

Category: Chinese Guys

I Heart Competition (#335)

Like this:

Don’t Whine, Ditch That White Boy (#259)

Like this:

Andy’s Guide to Gift-Giving (and Marriage) #245

Like this:

When Your Asian Guy Won’t Fight For You (#157)

Like this:

One Beastly Dance (#73)

Like this:

An Interview with Andy & Instructions for Meeting Women (#55)

Like this:

Dirty Laundry (#53)

Like this:

Once Upon a Time, When We Were Just Friends (#50)

Like this:

Why Andy is Handy (#48)

Like this:

Dating Horror Stories, or, How I Met JM (#47)

Like this:

Bet your friends would like this (unless they're racists):

Like this:

Bet your friends would like this (unless they're racists):

Like this:

Bet your friends would like this (unless they're racists):

Like this:

Bet your friends would like this (unless they're racists):

Like this:

Bet your friends would like this (unless they're racists):

Like this:

Bet your friends would like this (unless they're racists):

Like this:

Bet your friends would like this (unless they're racists):

Like this:

Bet your friends would like this (unless they're racists):

Like this:

Bet your friends would like this (unless they're racists):

Like this:

Bet your friends would like this (unless they're racists):

Like this: