Unlike Andy, my caffeine intake is minimal. No more than two cappuccinos in the morning, separated by a few hours or I get jittery. (Andy’s note: “’Jittery,’ means you bounce your leg, honey. You either talk non-stop or rewrite the lyrics to old songs and sing them to the pets. “Dancing in the Dark” becomes “Dancing While You Bark,” “You Belong with Me,” is now “Use the Litterbox When You Pee.”)
So as much as I love tiramisu, I never have it for dessert. No way does Andy wanna hear “But kitty Mama told you/ It’s all right/ You were on the streets with bad flea bites/ Homeless in the SoCal night/ Now you got three beds and claws of might…” at 11 PM. (Sing to Taylor Swift’s “Opalite.”)
The only tiramisu Andy made was a lemon version, usually during the annual citrus tsunami here in Southern California.
Until his Elder Millennial Coworker got hungry and bored. Like most offices, there’s always extra food from October until New Year’s. Leftover Halloween candy is followed by the Thanksgiving potluck and then Christmas goodies begin appearing. At Andy’s work, there was also the Cinnamon Roll Throw Down.
But in January? There were only tasteless Aramark lunches again. Andy, who sometimes brought in leftovers or my extra baked goods, had been moved to a different project in a different office in December.
Until Elder Millennial Coworker insisted there was a problem with the old project and Andy was recalled part-time.
Elder Millennial Coworker slyly asked Gen Z Coworker (who had won the Cinnamon Roll Throwdown) about her tiramisu while Andy (who is STILL salty about not winning the Cinnamon Roll Throwdown) was nearby.
Gen Z Coworker, “Oh, the Cortina Olympics inspired me to make some. And since store-bought lady fingers suck, I started baking my own.”
“Wow. Is that hard?”
“A little, but it’s worth it. People love my tiramisu even more than my cinnamon rolls—”
Andy: “That’s it! You and your lady fingers are GOING DOWN!”
Which is why I found Andy in the kitchen at 8 PM, whipping up mascarpone and brewing espresso.
“Elder Millennial Coworker is playing you and Gen Z Coworker,” I told Andy. “He knows you, at least, will bring in multiple ‘intimidation’ batches while you figure out the best recipe. So he’s going to get that as well as being guaranteed two servings of tiramisu on the day of the competition.”
“Actually, a couple other people want to compete this time, too.”
“The plot thickens! How many?”
“Well, one woman says she’s going to make a version with tea—”
“With TEA? What the actual fuck is THAT?!”
“Don’t you love tea?”
“Yes, and that fact that I am still saying what the fuck should tell her something.”
“And the Vegan Younger Millennial is bringing a vegan version—”
“How?”
“No idea.”
“So there are four of you?”
“More like eight.”
“Full on dessert scam!”
I thought Andy’s first version was pretty good, even with store-bought lady fingers. But when he took it to work, the verdict was “more liqueur.”
Also his Gen Z Coworker smirking and saying, “I didn’t know Kroger made generic lady fingers,” as she served up her own intimidation tiramisu.
Andy ate a bite and retorted, “And I didn’t know anyone would use instant coffee instead of making real espresso.”
“Nobody has their own espresso maker,” she scoffed.
Andy smirked in Gen X paycheck. “I do.”
FYI, Andy doesn’t actually drink espresso. He only got the expensive Italian coffee machine with the milk frother and espresso maker in order to avoid sharing any of his precious 10 cups of dark roasted drip coffee with me. Coffee addiction coupled with Chinese American frugality is the real reason I get mellow morning cappuccinos made by my own personal barista.
Highly recommend.
Andy dug out my piping set and my cookie cookbook for his next round of lady fingers.
But they turned out “too spongy.” He refused to listen to my advice: 1) bake while it’s not humid, 2) turn off the oven and let them dry out after baking. Instead, to Elder Millennial Coworker’s delight, Andy tried several more recipes before finding one with the right consistency.
“But it still doesn’t look especially pretty,” he grumbled. After his fluffy cinnamon rolls lost to Gen Z Coworker’s underbaked—but uniform—cinnamon rolls, Andy knew he had to win on appearance, as well as taste.
“You could use a springform pan,” I suggested. “Make it look like a cake. Then you unmold it at work, in front of everyone, adding to the suspense. It’ll look more impressive and get them rooting for you when it holds its shape!”
“IF it holds its shape.”
Andy practiced with my 6-inch springform. His tiramisu held (even though his icing skills need work):
Sunday night, he made his competition dish. Monday morning, he put the tiramisu (still in the springform pan) into a cooler and took it to work—along with one of my cake plates.
He unmolded it and…it held. He frosted the sides with more mascarpone filling and put it on the cake plate, sure his was the prettiest.
But Gen Z Coworker went full kawaii, creating fucking adorable bunnies with a cookie cutter out of cocoa powder:
Since Andy’s office has no windows and requires security clearances, I have no way of personally knowing how they all tasted. One was lemon, and one was rum raisin (WHY WOULD YOU WRECK YOUR CHOCOLATE WITH RAISINS). Andy reported that his and Gen Z coworkers were the prettiest and the tastiest when he got home.
“BUT WHO WON?!” I practically screamed.
Andy shrugged. “I dunno. Elder Millennial Coworker hasn’t finished tabulating yet.”
When Andy came home last night, we STILL didn’t know. Maybe Elder Millennial “loses” the results and they have to try again next week. Or there’s maybe there’s a tie and the top two chefs have to have a final bakeoff!
Ultimately, the real winner was always going to be Elder Millennial.
Or maybe me, because I get tiramisu for breakfast.
I’m not sure what I love more… multiple versions of Tiramisu at work or the fact that your husband knows his way around a kitchen. If it didn’t come out of a can my guy is lost. Sigh.
Vegan version? Ugh.
Raisins? Hell no.
Tea? WTF!
Bunnies are cute, but I’m voting for yours every time.
If it helps with kitchen envy, please know that Andy makes an incredible mess and constantly drops pans and utensils loudly? The powdered sugar on the lady fingers got EVERYWHERE. As for the Vegan tiramisu, Vegan Coworker had to give that up. He turned it into the rum raisin one. I liked the shaved chocolate idea but raisins do not belong in desserts.
Andy did a great job with making his pretty! But those bunnies are probably impossible to beat.
What a scam! A few years back when newspapers had people working there, our local one had a food contest. You had to sign up and bring a dish on a Saturday for lunch. Winner got something inconsequential besides bragging rights and maybe a note in the paper. The real winners were the people who worked Saturdays at the paper (and probably came up with the idea). LMAO! People brought barbequed ribs, side dishes and desserts! A complete meal! I love tiramisu but it’s rich so I only get it out (at a good restaurant). I made it once but it wasn’t worth the effort for just me. Andy’s version looks great. I’d go for that over cute bunnies any day.
Oh, that is an EXCELLENT newspaper scam. I’m okay with rich, but not so much with sugary desserts. It’s the caffeine that I can’t do after noon! Tiramisu really should be a breakfast food.
Your hubby’s office mates take this cooking thing very seriously – love it. And lucky you, who gets to test everything along the way. My hubby can’t be trusted in the kitchen unless we’re talking about warming a can of soup.
I think they had FOMO after the cinnamon roll contest and wanted to get in on the action this time. Also, tiramisu is so much easier than cinnamon rolls, especially if you don’t make your own lady fingers…which only Andy and Gen Z Coworker did. I’m wondering what Elder Millennial Coworker will come up with next. If we ever get the results of this contest, that is!
Andy makes incredible things in the kitchen. One of them is mess.
Mmmm, I just had to come over reading your title. I am not a coffee drinker and tiramisu is simply okay for me. But it’s one of those dishes that catches the eye if you are particular about it. Andy’s tiramisu looks like chef’s kiss on the table right there. It’s restaurant grade and look. It does seem like Andy’s office are eager to compete over desserts of all things. Honestly I didn’t know you could create different varieties of tiramisu but I guess it gets people curious enough to try. Did you know how much of everything was eaten in Andy’s office?
I don’t know where Andy gets the energy to bake after a long day at work. Like that’s full on baking a tiramisu from scratch including making the espresso yourself.
I’m not a huge coffee drinker, either, but I love creamy, rich fillings like mascarpone. I’ll ask Andy which tiramisus were the most popular. Pretty sure it wasn’t the rum raisin, though?
I did recently ask Andy if he would like to spend less time in the kitchen and he told me that he enjoys it. Once again, I’m gonna wrench my arm patting myself on the back for picking a guy with hobbies like gardening and cooking (instead of gambling or drinking).
I’m not a huge tiramisu fan, but I would certainly try Andy’s. And a couple of the others (though, yeah…raisins are a stretch).
Sounds like you’d give Weird Al a run for his money. And I love your new color scheme; it’s so much more soothing. Plus, blue > red always!
I forgot I had the Christmas colors still up until I was previewing my post! I change them seasonally. Missed putting in red for the Year of the Fire Horse, alas.
I’m not a big fan of tiramisu. But I am still mad about Andy losing the cinnamon roll contest!
I am still mad, too! Cuz I am a super picky eater. And after he took second to Gen Z Coworker again (although he won for tiramisu texture), I am really questioning the taste buds of his coworkers! (And also that they don’t know how hard it is to unmold a cake and frost it versus leaving it in a pan. AMATEURS!
These cooking/baking contests are sooo entertaining. Andy’s tiramisu sounds great. I like tiramisu a lot, although I haven’t had it often enough to be an expert.
I like to bake, but after my husband died, I got rid of all my baking supplies. Living alone, I can’t finish a whole cake or pie or batch of cookies, and I don’t want to be tempted to try to finish it off.
Now I’ll have to go out and see where I can buy a good slice of tiramisu.
They are entertaining. Also very tasty. Everyone should get tiramisu with breakfast!
Looks delicious for his latest contest attempt. Yes, that other contestant with her cookie bunny cutouts was getting obsessively carried away.
Now you know what dessert your extended family might get at special occasions. 🙂
Andy actually brought home a bunch of mascarpone last weekend and I was like, “What? MORE tiramisu?!” He says he’s going to do lemon.
But there will be no bunny cutouts (not even for Easter).
Lemon tiramisu sounds delicious! People will still be eager to try. Sounds lovely for Easter weekend.
Oh my gosh! Channeling you now: What the actual fuck? How old is this post that I’m finally getting to? Did we get a winner yet? The suspense! How am I going to sleep tonight??
Also, super kudos for your cappuccinos and barista. Legit jealous down here.
And of course you know your song lyrics were tight.
Rum and raisins. Go home, grandma!!!
I am no quicker at responding to your comment than you are at seeing my post, LOL. Sadly, Andy lost to the “fucking bunnies,” as he put it. He won for texture and he probably should have won for everything else. His coworker’s tastebuds are so sus! Rum and raisin do not belong in potato salad or tiramisu (Italy wept).
I do love my cappuccinos…although sometimes it’s a drag waiting for them int he morning.