I would never have thought I could get sick of cinnamon rolls. And yet here we are.
For those of you not following the Cinnamon Roll Saga on Threads, it began when Andy’s Gen Z Coworker told an Elder Millennial Coworker that she was planning on making cinnamon rolls. Elder Millennial Coworker asked Gen Z Coworker if she’d ever made cinnamon rolls before.
Gen Z Coworker: “No. How hard can it be?”
Elder Millennial: “You know, Andy brought in his homemade cinnamon rolls once.”
Gen Z Coworker: “I’m sure mine will be better.”
Andy overheard this. For years, he’s been honing his bread-making skills on everything from those cinnamon rolls to baguettes. He set the oven on fire (twice). He killed my Kitchen Aid (spoiler alert, also twice). But Andy’s also gotten very, very good with all kinds of dough.
Andy immediately called out, “Oh, you ready to throw down?!”
“Yeah!” responded Gen Z Coworker.
Andy came home and started the dough for an “Intimidation Batch.” He stayed up late to form the rolls, then baked them the next morning right before work. Andy brought them in, still warm, and carried them past Gen Z coworker, calling out, “Anyone wanna try my test batch of homemade cinnamon rolls?”
While coworkers gathered and grabbed the rolls, Andy sadly (and loudly) sighed and told Elder Millennial, “This is not my best work. It’s my first time baking them in our new oven, and they were taking a long time. I checked the temp with an oven thermometer. Turns out the oven was about 25 degrees low. So I upped the heat. But the long baking time dried them out a little. Sorry,” he added, handing Gen Z Coworker a cinnamon roll.
Gen Z Coworker ate the entire cinnamon roll silently…but with a growing expression of panic. She disappeared almost as quickly as the cinnamon rolls.
Over the next few weeks, our kitchen turned into a test kitchen. Andy did multiple batches.
Filling winner: brown sugar over white sugar.
Icing winner: cream cheese, possibly with a hint of almond.
Loser: me, because I don’t think I can ever eat another cinnamon roll again.
But Gen Z Coworker was not cowed. She brought her own “Intimidation Batch” of cinnamon rolls into the office!
Andy tried one and IT HAD AN APPLE FILLING!
That has to be illegal.
Cinnamon legalities aside, Andy reported to me later that it was tasty and moist, but the chew was a little gummy (as if under-kneaded).
But to Gen Z Coworker, he merely said, “These are good.”
She got a little in his face, with what he called “Gen Z swagger,” and said, “So. Are you intimidated yet?”
Andy’s response: “No.”
But over Thanksgiving, Andy made yet another test batch.
Me: “Seriously, honey? You have stuff to make for Thanksgiving, don’t you want a day off?”
Andy: “I have to crush her down!”
Andy’s cinnamon rolls were looking good the morning of the official throw down. Maybe not quite as fluffy as the ones he made on Thanksgiving, but still big and moist.
As some of you know, there are no windows where Andy works and no cell phones allowed.
So he and Gen Z Coworker met outside and took a picture (because I badgered him relentlessly):
Elder Millennial Coworker appointed himself poll worker and vote counter. Ballots were distributed to a dozen employees. Elder Millennial Coworker opted to get all fancy and there were three categories on the ballot: Taste, Appearance, and Texture.
I called Andy at noon: “Well? Who won? You won, right?”
Andy: “I don’t think the polls are closed yet, honey.”
Me: “AAARGGHHH.”
Andy texted me after 5 PM to say he was on his way home. I called immediately: “WELL? Did you win?”
Andy: “I dunno, I was in a different building. I guess Elder Millennial emailed the results, but I haven’t looked yet.”
“HOW CAN YOU NOT LOOK.”
When Andy walked in the door, I was waiting. “Check. Your. Email.”
Andy did. “Huh. Looks like we tied on taste—”
“How even?”
“She won on appearance—”
“What? Her rolls are TINY. With no frosting!”
“And I won on texture. But Elder Millennial says she won by more votes on appearance than I won on in texture, so I guess he’s giving her the win.”
I erupted. “THIS IS BULLSHIT! There is no way, NO WAY those little rolls are as good as yours! I mean, I know I didn’t even get to try hers, or even have one of yours this morning, but—”
Andy grinned and held out a container. “I brought you home one of each.”
I immediately pounced, opened the container, and sliced each roll in half. “Oh, honey, there’s no way you lost. I can already tell her rolls are dry from the way it’s separating.”
I took a bite. I was right. Dry and yet also dense. They clearly didn’t rise enough and were overbaked. I’ve had Hostess Honeybuns that were better.
I took a bite of Andy’s. Even 12 hours after baking, sitting in an office, it was excellent. Fluffy, but moist, and the cream cheese kept the icing from being overly sweet.
“You were robbed,” I told Andy. And I guess I wasn’t THAT sick of cinnamon rolls, because I ate the whole thing.
Someone with a far less discriminating palate ate the rest of Gen Z Coworker’s roll.
And, to be fair, he a) had no complaints and b) begged for more.
Clearly the dog does not have discerning taste buds, but he’s a dog. Goes without saying. If it’s remotely edible, and sometimes even when it isn’t, the dog will eat it! Wish I could have tasted Andy’s cinnamon rolls – they looked tasty!
Tankie likes apples and loves melon…but he also likes kitty tootsie rolls from the liter box! Pretty much the only thing he discriminates against is citrus.
The younger folks have no polished taste buds. They don’t know what good is! Neither do dogs! I vote for Andy and I didn’t taste the doggone rolls.
I think it’s true. I mean, if you are used to Kraft Mac&Cheese, real Mac&Cheese tastes weird. Although, once I learned butter existed, there was no way I was eating margarine again ever!
I grew up on all home made food including snacks. No twinkles or Entenmann’s. My mom baked every weekend. All entrees were from scratch. I try shortcuts but there are none to a good product. My husband insists on spreadable fake butter on his bagel (despite the fact that we always have butter that is soft enough to spread). Yuck!
I did not grow up with food from scratch, but I sure appreciated it when I got it! Unlike the Gen Z kids in Andy’s office.
I have to admit, I’m a bit shocked, too. Though the apple filling does sound like a nice touch (sorry!).
Sacrilege. The cinnamon bun inquisition will be with you shortly.
Are they sending I.C.I.N.G. to round me up?
Of course not. Cuz you even whiter than Andy’s icing.
Appearance? Who the hell cares how it looks! Taste is the only thing worth voting for. I agree, he was robbed!
Yes! What you said!
A couple people on Threads talked about generational differences, and that Gen Z cares more about how something looks. I’m just not sure they realize what a good cinnamon roll is supposed to look like?
I blame AI.
Those perfectly fake photos no one can live up to.
I was gonna blame Pillsbury, but AI is more evil so yeah, let’s blame that.
Let’s.
Though that doughboy is annoying.
That was so stressful!!!!! And I’m with you, taste untasted, Andy was robbed!
It was all in good fun, mostly. But I can’t get my head around the other rolls winning.
No fair. Appearance shouldn’t have been one of the categories. Hers did look pretty … if you didn’t want any frosting.
Andy is sure a determined competitor.
Hers definitely looked more uniform, especially to the untrained eye. But I’ve had big, puffy, delicious cinnamon rolls before, and so I know what those are supposed to look like. Maybe Gen Z just doesn’t.
Thought I’d already commented – I do hope I’ve not ended up in WPress jail! But I know I’ve been decidedly flaky and not finished messages, so…
Even without tasting them, I’m voting for Andy. For good reasons too. I am utterly confident in your discernment, equally that you would be honest with him if his Gen Z colleague’s were better. And I stand alongside all those who stated that looks should *never* get an equal vote with taste…
I have checked WP and you are not in prison. I think maybe the younger generation just doesn’t know what a good cinnamon roll should look like. They need more GBBO in their lives.
Your writing is so entertaining I can almost taste them. But I a bit concerned about a Millenial being an elder – what does that make me, since I’m older than Millenials
If you are born after 1980, I think that makes you a millennial, although some people say it’s 1985-2000 that makes up the millennial generation. 1965-1981 (although some say 1985) is Gen X. Someone coined the term “Elder Millennial” as a subgroup for those Millennials that grew up before there was a computer/internet in every home, I think.
That’s a pretty large gap between 1985 and 2000, it makes sense!
Cream cheese in the icing sounds decadent and …right at this time of yr.! Apple filled cinnamon rolls does sound inventive and worthwhile, though I know it’s not yours.
I recall I saw a recipe for matcha tea cinnamon rolls…
I do like apples, especially in tarts and turnovers. But cinnamon fits the creases in the roll better, while I think apple makes a better filling.
I liked this. As a fan of cinnamon rolls, you had me laughing at the competition. No wonder they were dry without icing on top. Mind you, I am a bit picky – the Ikea variety don’t do anything for me. But taste trumps appearance every time for me! He was robbed.
Thank you! There’s nothing I enjoy more than hearing I made someone laugh.
That’s great. Is the cook sharing the recipe for the real winning cinnamon scrolls?
I need to get that written down and then, absolutely! But the recipe he began with is from a book called “The Breadmaker’s Apprentice.”
Sounds like a useful text for someone who is breadmaking challenged! Anything with yeast (the dried form) seems to fail for me every time.
‘How hard can it be?’ Well it sounded hard for Andy and unfortunately looks won 🙁 Gen Z’s rolls sounded like they wouldn’t last overnight. Andy’s would probably still be probably the next day or two. What looks good isn’t good until you tried it. Though I do think when you’re judging something like food, appearances should matter the least. I mean, if it doesn’t taste good, you’d probably won’t eat it again.
I think in general Gen Zs lean into trends and what catches you in the moment – like the apple filling cinnamon roll. But the classics and what Andy made, they will always still be hits.
There’s more technique than most people realize behind any baked goods requiring yeast. But already the Elder Millennial Coworker is whipping up more cooking rivalry in the hopes of more yummy food.
Technique is hard to get right. That and measurements in baking (maybe that’s just me speaking and am challenged there…). I am sure anything Andy whips up will be better than Millennial Coworker…she should just admit it.
Andy is working on making his own lady fingers now, LOL.