No white woman appropriated the Chinese custom of giving lucky money (“lai see” in my husband’s Cantonese-speaking family) as fast as I did when I married Andy. All my debutante mother’s admonitions against giving money as a gift? Gone the second I realized that a pretty red envelope with gold designs was the perfect way to class up cash.
Cash is much more practical than gift cards. You can spend cash on anything, or save it. But gift cards? There’s NO WAY you ever spend the exact amount on the gift card. Corporations profit from expired cards, damaged cards, unredeemed balances, and sometimes fees. Starbucks, for example, gets about 10% of its revenue from unredeemed cards (from everyone except my husband and Coffee Kate). Stick it to corporate overlords and give cash instead!
I have countless nieces and nephews (thanks to over a dozen siblings, half-siblings, step-siblings, ex-step-siblings from various parental units’ divorces and marriages) who get lucky money on their birthdays. Our son Dalton has lobbied for cash gifts since he learned what money was (age 3). Dalton’s friends and coaches, even the non-Asian ones, learned to look forward to seeing red when they open a greeting card.
I buy my red envelopes in bulk. Yes, I know that most actual Chinese moms, like my MIL Sunny, get them for free from the bank when withdrawing cash for Lunar New Year or weddings or birthdays (stamped with the bank’s logo, of course, BUT IN GOLD). Back when Andy and I got married, however, our bank didn’t have red envelopes. I bought a variety of designs online: the nieces on the swim team got fish, the nephew who demanded orange juice got oranges, and the nephew who loved pink got red and pink peonies. I even splurged on some bigger, more rigid envelopes for weddings (the better to keep shiny new bills crisp and unbent).
While red envelopes haven’t gone mainstream in California (yet), there’s a Hawaiian custom that has: graduation leis. I’d never seen a graduation lei on the East Coast, but when I got my MFA in Los Angeles, flower leis were everywhere. Since then, high school graduations have morphed into a lei arms race in California. There are real flower leis, fake flower leis, candy leis, money leis, and even Happy Meal leis.
I’ve been at graduations where the leis are piled so high all you can see are the graduate’s eyes. Not one to miss out on the fun, I created a lucky money lei by braiding red yarn and gold ribbon, punching holes in red envelopes (with cashed tucked inside), and then attaching them to the lei with artificial daisies. (Then I warn the recipients to guard that lei with their life.)
When Andy’s nephew graduated, I had his lei all planned out: a kukui nut lei (to acknowledge his family’s history in Hawaii) with lucky money attached by red and gold ribbons. I sent Andy a reminder to leave work early and pick up cash on the way home. Lucky money is, ideally, the largest denomination of bills possible. As my husband is notoriously frugal, I texted him specifics: “I have 3 red envelopes on his lei, and, YES, each should be no less than a fifty!”
Andy brought home a bunch of crumpled twenties.
The ancestors wept.
The white wife insisted on stopping at an ATM that would let her choose hundreds. She may have also berated him the whole way there: “What is wrong with you? I’m not even Chinese and I know anything less than a hundred is shameful!”
Andy’s response was a shrug and, “It’s not like I got cash when I was growing up.”
“But when your mom gives Dalton lucky money, it’s always new, crisp hundred-dollar bills!”
“Crumpled twenties spend the same,” was all Andy said.
Until I returned from the ATM with a pile of Benjamin Franklins.
“How many hundreds are you giving him?!” he huffed, accelerating out of the parking lot with significantly more speed than necessary.
“You had your chance to get him fifties and you blew it.”
“But it’s only high school! And he’s got two younger siblings. You’re setting an expensive precedent.”
“Listen, Scrooge, I’m not giving him all of them. I had to get extra bills in case the ATM gave me old or ugly ones,” I explained. “See? This one is folded up in the corner. I can’t use that. And this one is creased! Only pristine bills make the cut.”
Andy remained horrified over the amount of lucky money in that lei.
Same as my southern ancestors, I expect.
But I like to think the Chinese ancestors were as pleased as our nephew.
I love the leis. We didn’t have those a three decades ago when I lived in California. I feel gyped!! But love what you do with them and the lucky money. Lucky money is so much better than gift cards. Some of our pet sitting clients will give gift cards to restaurants at Christmas, but often for restaurants we never use. Cash would be much nicer, and the corporations wouldn’t be getting free money.
The leis are out of control. It’s a whole fundraiser for the middle schoolers in our area to sell both flower and candy leis prior to the high school graduation and it makes a ton of money. Some schools even have rules about how no senior can get “leid” prior to the graduation ceremony because they are so distracting (and also they will all just chow down on their candy and Happy Meals). So far it seems to only be a Hawaii/California thing, though. And yes, my petsitter and hairstylist look forward to Christmas cash tips in red envelopes (sometimes they get cookies, too, but in addition to, not instead of).
I like the concept. I have an unused restaurant gift card from before the pandemic still unused. It’s not our favorite place and it’s up for sale now so who knows if we’ll ever use it. As for Starbucks, all gift cards go into my account and I use every penny. They will never get money from an unused card from me! 🙂 Obviously you know me! 🙂
I think I have a stack of gift cards that may never get used (none of them Starbucks). Dalton does enjoy getting Visa gift cards, because then he can use them to buy virtual items for online gaming (which I refuse to do). But now he has a pile of them in his desk with $1.46 left on the card. Very wasteful.
When I worked we did gift cards for employee incentive programs. Mostly Visa but we did have some other options (like Starbucks of course). At that time there was a substantial fee to buy the card. Made no sense but it was for business purposes so whatev.
Wow. Corporations making money hand over fist by charging a fee for a gift card that already generates a profit.
Dalton won the mom lottery! Haha… Seriously though, the money lai’s are genius. You’re right, cash is king, no QUEEN! GO mom!!!
I think Dalton actually won the grandmother lottery–you should see the stack of cash he acquires every time he sees her. The money leis are brilliant…until one gets lost, LOL.
I’ve never wished I had an Aunt Autumn more than I do right now. I got plenty of leis in Hawaii, but not once did they come with red envelopes stuffed with cash. I feel gypped!
I think I’m the only one doing the money in red envelopes on a lei, although I have seen other leis with cash and coins wrapped in plastic (or possibly in Happy Meal boxes). Sometimes I asks my siblings if their kids would prefer a hoodie or a toy as a gift, but they all report that their kids love getting the red envelopes. Some of them save them because they are shiny and pretty.
You are clearly the favored aunt, and your relatives are … lucky (wink wink) to have you. So generous! And the time to assemble those! Yes, those red envelopes are beautiful. A couple of years ago my blog buddy in Singapore sent red envelops for my children. Small Singaporean currency we can’t use here, but it was such a thrill to receive, and always fun to have foreign money. Also, my dad would whole-heartedly agree with you that the bills must be crisp. That was always his gift-giving M.O. too.
Thanks, Ilsa. I think the nieces and nephews are, like most kids, probably just happy to not be forgotten. Especially the ones with a lot of siblings (but I might be projecting). I have one who’s a bit of an overlooked middle child (like me!) On his birthday, I always sneak him extra money and call it “the middle child bonus.”
That is super duper thoughtful of you. Well done.
I’m gonna put that one in charge of my ventilator some day.
Interesting about the red envelopes and Happy Meal leis! There’s a whole world out there that I had no idea about!
The U.S. likes to appropriate customs that involve excess. It’s our thing.
Well, everybody needs a thing of their own
Apparently Orange Fascists are our thing. And we are doing it to excess.
(Just kidding!)
I’m unfamiliar with this custom, but I think I love it.
There’s nothing better than receiving crisp clean money and the endless possibilities it brings. Bah on your husband’s frugality and dirty 20’s.
Right? Lucky money is the one time where one is supposed to NOT be super frugal. It’s all about looking rich.
I honestly don’t mind gift cards – when given a choice of receiving a gift or gift cards, most of the time I’ll go gift cards. I realise here in Australia self-help checkouts at the supermarkets allow you to split payments. A few time I’ve paid with a gift card, had balance outstanding and was able to use my card to finish paying the balance. Bit fiddly, but can be done.
But cash, yes, agree that it is more practical than gift cards. More versatile. You get the option of putting it right into the bank. I’d take cash over gift cards…provided cash doesn’t go obsolete anytime soon.
Interesting reading about graduation lei and your twist on them. I have never received a red packet that has creased notes. The standards are high and you know it, you show it. And receiving red packets for free from the bank are a thing in Asia. My mum used to collect them and put them away carefully over the years – many of them really fancy with gold, shiny print.
Oh, yes, there are some really fancy red envelopes from banks. I haven’t seen any locally, but Andy’s mom always has some. I think she gets them from her sister in Hong Kong. I think the US has more half-sized envelopes than Asia–I’m usually folding the cash for nieces and nephews. Blasphemy!
There were no leis in central Ohio when I graduated from high school. Some people gave the gift of cash, but most gave me things so I’d remember them when I used the things. I got jewelry and engraved pens and monogramed totes and embossed stationery. Not being a stuff person per se I may not have appreciated the gifts as much as they would have hoped. Different place & time.
I got jewelry when I graduated. Necklaces that I never wore and have passed onto some of my nieces. I would probably have preferred pens and embossed stationery, for all the letters I wrote during college. Different times, indeed!
Your leis are fantastic.
My husband always insisted the I go inside the bank and ask for the newest of the new bills to put in the red envelopes. A beautiful red envelope is so much nicer than a check or a gift card.
I do love to get a Starbucks gift card, and yet I have one in my purse that’s 6 mo. old. I usually make my own coffee. And there are so many other good coffee shops.
LOL about Eugene insisting on the good bills. There are other good coffee shops. I don’t know what they are locally though–the only coffee I drink is made by my husband.
My mind is boggled at the Happy Meal lei!
I must admit that I’ve long bought red envelopes – pretending they were “festive” – but I cannot deny I was also trying to sneak in some good luck Chinese style. I’ve not gone for the highly decorated type, although I would *love* to. We don’t tend to have that type of thing in our UK shops. Although I don’t doubt someone has filled that niche online, unfortunately I bought my bulk supply ages ago.
I thought I had a pretty good bulk supply and then I was scrambling to find enough for #1 Wong Nephew’s lei. Had to resort to raiding Dalton’s desk and using some of the ones he got from his grandmother.
Cash makes gift giving so much easier! I’ve never heard of graduation leis. I also love the personalized red envelopes.
Especially for teenagers! Very difficult to figure out what to buy for them these days.
This had me cracking up, especially the part about crumpled twenties vs. crisp hundreds! I can totally relate to going all out for a project; I recently rented a dumpster for a massive garage cleanout, and let me tell you, I was just as picky about what made the “keep” vs. “toss” pile as you were with those bills! It’s all about the details, right?
Absolutely! Crumpled bills = loss of face…or, in white people/Hallmark terms, not caring enough to send the very best. My husband would very much like a dumpster for all my Christmas ornaments, LOL.