Yesterday was the last neighborhood cooking contest. The last chance for all the bragging rights.
My husband Andy, amateur chef extraordinaire, was going to make orange peel chicken in his wok. (And also make a huge mess of the stove.)
Those crème brûlée lemon bars were formidable. But I wasn’t worried. Dalton is not a patient child.
Last week, when he trash-talked about how he was going to beat me, I laughed and said, “You’re gonna TRY. Those bars are a long, multistep process. First you have to make shortbread, then the custard. Then you have to refrigerate them for a day, then you cut them, and only then does the blow torch come out.”
I was more worried about my own recipe choice than Dalton’s. I usually plan a dessert that’s tasty as well as pretty. Piped frosting on a crystal display plate had helped me always win in the appearance category if I didn’t win for taste.
I might have switched from my original plan of lemon cookies to lemon cupcakes or a cake with lemon buttercream frosting, but:
- We all got COVID & flu booster shots on Friday
- Andy’s coworker was also having a party that weekend
- My knee was still a mess
Booster shots wipe me out—especially the COVID one. Getting the vaccination is still way better than having COVID, but I always spend the following day with aches, fatigue, and extreme irritability. I also get a lemon-sized lump in the lymph node in my right armpit.
Which, given the citrus theme of this year’s cooking contest, seemed appropriate.
Since we had two events to go to and I felt miserable on Saturday, I opted to make one giant batch of lemon cookies instead of two smaller, prettier desserts. I debated waiting until Sunday, when I knew I would feel better, but Andy needed the kitchen then.
If we’re both in the kitchen at the same time? Disaster.
There’s not enough counter space, one of us uses up all the dish towels (ANDY), one of us (me) inputs a new time on the microwave timer without realizing it was already in use, and of course we get in each other’s way. Once, before a dinner party, Andy set the oven to broil while I had loaves of bread baking.
I reacted…poorly.
I now make sure we work in shifts. I usually do the desserts first, since those keep better, before yielding the kitchen to Andy.
So I dragged my aching self (and the inevitable lemon under my armpit) into the kitchen on Saturday afternoon. It was the first time I’d spent hours in the kitchen since my knee injury. I wound up sitting at the dining table to roll the balls of cookie dough in sugar, rather than standing at the counter.
But I successfully made 72 cookies (and successfully defended about 65 of them from a marauding teenager).
Dalton shocked no one by deciding that the lure of the blow torch was not strong enough to overcome two days slaving in the kitchen. He played video games unless called to wash dishes.
Andy took over the kitchen on Sunday…with so much swearing. Turns out, Andy accidentally bought chicken thighs WITH bones instead of boneless ones. Then he cut himself de-boning the chicken. Never a planner, Andy hadn’t allotted extra time for disasters. His orange peel chicken barely made it to the party in time for judging.
The party was a lot smaller than in previous years. Andy’s main competition in the savory category was lemon chicken piccata (not bad), a lemon chicken salad (not good), and classic Fillipino pancit.
The dessert table had lemon bars and a lime coconut sheet cake that had no flavor (though it looked pretty).
Even though far more of my cookies disappeared than lemon bars or lime cake, mom and a daughter from a big family had brought the cake and bars.
I wasn’t surprised when the hostess came over and said, “I’m sorry, Autumn, you came in third this year.”
“Last,” I corrected. “There were only three dishes. So I came in LAST.”
I went to a dark corner and questioned my life choices (i.e., sulked) while the hostess awarded the prize for appearance to the cardboard coconut cake (no, I’m not bitter!) and gave the lemon bars first place for taste.
The pancit won for appearance in the savory category. Andy, of course, won for taste.
His prize? A timer shaped like a lemon and dish towels.
“More dish towels!” Andy rejoiced. “And a second timer for our kitchen.”
“Yay,” I agreed. “I still refuse to be in the kitchen with you at the same time, though.”
“I didn’t burn your bread on PURPOSE!”
************************
While I hate losing (especially to cardboard cake), it was fitting that we closed out the final cooking contest the way we started it, more than a decade ago: Andy won it with the best food.
Or did he?
At the end of our second party last night, multiple guests asked to take home my remaining lemon cookies. And ONLY the lemon cookies.
Andy, meanwhile, had to persuade the host to keep the leftover orange chicken.
So there.
I wish you were my neighbors! 🙂
You might change your mind after a weekend like this. There was a lot of yelling!
I know, I REALLY miss living around the corner from you. I for sure would have voted on those lemon cookies for the WIN!
We miss you, too! It was always fun exchanging tasty treats.
The COVID boosters are hard on me, too. The last one made me feel worse than I did when I actually had COVID. I’m glad you recovered in time to participate in the last neighborhood cooking contest.
That last booster didn’t feel great, but it was only for 24 hours, at least. And I kept my sense of smell!
The nurse who gave me the shot actually said that the lemon-sized swelling of the lymph node was a good sign that the immune system was working. It might be a lie, but it was an encouraging one!
The cookies look delicious! Makes my mouth water just looking at the photo.
Thank you! I thought they turned out well, but, in all fairness, the lemon bars were probably richer.
You have such a great writing style and pick the best things to cover! I would love to follow you over on Instagram so I could get my Autumn fix more often…but I could not find you there! Would you mind sharing how to find you? Thanks!!
Oh, and why is this the last neighborhood cooking contest?
Thank you, Lin, and thanks for visiting. I do have an Instagram account and I post on Threads also.
Sadly, the host’s health is failing. Another neighbor had to help the hostess set up for the party this year. No one else seems to want to take it over (including my son and husband), which is a bummer.
Ooh, sounds like orange peel isn’t the only thing bitter here!
I kid, I kid. I’m sure your lemon cookies were divine. They’re cookies. Made with lemon. How could they not be! Talk about the end of an era, though. I’ll miss reading about the annual cooking contests.
I am glad there was nothing in my mouth when I read your comment. It would have been all over the keyboard, LOL. Very funny because it’s true. I am SO bitter about the time I spent in the kitchen. I should have just let Andy cook and stayed out of it. By Sunday night, I was barely limping around with a cane. Waaaaayyyy too much time on my feet.
I will miss the contest as well. I don’t think anyone is willing to put in the work of hosting, which I totally get. Andy and Dalton are completely opposed to hosting any parties anymore.
Can’t say I blame them. I wouldn’t be keen on hosting either.
Yeah, Andy and Dashiell are thrilled that my messed up knee prevents me from planning any gatherings.
Haha! I’m sure the neighbors will miss your household’s tasty contributions though.
This is great! Terrific ending. The timer and dish towels are too perfect, though!
“I reacted…poorly.” Lol!
Thanks! I so wish I had also won another set of dish towels. We never have enough. The timer though…Andy set it off yesterday and the dog went berserk. It sounds like our doorbell had a seizure.
You won the best prize: People wanted to take your cookies home. Congrats to Andy. And you pegged Dalton right.
I’ve never had much of a reaction to a COVID shot, which kinda worries me. Does that mean it’s not working? Whatever. I should be grateful.
Well, if you’ve been exposed and haven’t been hospitalized, the vaccine is working!
Love the snark in this post – you absolutely take that prize 🙂 And as for the actual cooking contest – it’s a shame it’s over, although there was a symmetry in the result. And – most important of all – you got to know that people wanted to take home your cookies more than they wanted extras of Andy’s orange chicken.
Thank you! Andy has countered by by telling me that the host ate all his orange chicken and loved it.
Lemon anything is my favorite food. I do like how you managed to keep 65 of the cookies to take to the event. It must have taken some ninja skills to keep those cookies away from your son. You and your neighbors do make for some good stories.
I used the cat squirt bottle on the kid when I had to, but the Tupperware with the cookies has to stay in our bedroom at night. I have even taken cookies with me on errands (don’t worry, I buckle them in).