I’m having a hard time working from home. That may seem odd, since I’m a writer used to working at home.
Let me clarify: I am used to working at home ALONE.
My husband is technically an essential worker because his company does top secret work for the government. I stopped asking what he does because there are polygraphs involved and we need our health insurance. Andy’s supposed to be going into work. Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, company employees kept testing positive for COVID-19, which meant the company closed down and sanitized every infected employees’ building(s). During this process, the company sent all the employees that normally work in the infected building to other buildings. Not surprisingly, employees in THOSE buildings then became infected and those buildings had to be shut down.
It was an endless, ludicrous game of Whack-a-mole until all the buildings wound up shut. The company had no choice but to attempt remote work.
I dunno why they waited so long. Andy’s workday appeared to back-to-back meetings. Which he put on speakerphone because his ear pods irritated him after an hour or two.
It was hard for me to work with Andy’s interdepartmental squabbles cutting through my noise-canceling headphones.
It was hard for both Andy and me to work through Baby D playing Minecraft with friends: “Zombie jockey! NO WAY! I’m down and it’s nighttime! AHHHHHH!”
Andy gave me his best pathetic dog eyes until I offered him my noise-cancelling headphones.
He was delighted. Every time he walked by, he grinned and gave me thumbs ups. His noise output declined.
“You still having a lot of meetings?” I asked.
“Oh, yeah. A bunch every day.”
“You say anything at these meetings?”
“I don’t hear you say anything.”
“Well, the less I say, the quicker the meeting ends. And also, Baby D is really loud. You probably just don’t hear me.”
Baby D WAS really loud. I went outside whenever it wasn’t raining.
Yesterday, there was an asshole squirrel on the power line above our backyard, taunting the dog. The angry barking and incessant chittering sent me indoors. Andy, happily wearing MY headphones, grinned and waved at me on his way to the bathroom.
After the bathroom door locked, AC/DC began blaring through the house:
Yeah, hell’s bells
You got me ringing hell’s bells…
I followed the noise to Andy’s laptop…which had disconnected from the bluetooth headphones when he walked into the bathroom.
Andy skidded back into the living room with an “Oh, um, yeah, I guess I got too far away.”
“Uh-huh. Is today’s meeting with AC/DC?” I yelled.
Before Andy could answer, Baby D howled, loud enough to cut through Brian Johnson’s sandpaper vocals: “What the FRICK?! The birds picked me up and dropped me!! AHHHHHH!”
I went back outside to barking dog. Where it was quiet.