18 thoughts on “Daughter-in-Law Tea Ceremony, Part II (#258)”

  1. Baby D should get great treatment being male and all. You were just the truck that delivered him. Kind of like FexEx. 🙂 Hope the rest of the wedding was fun at least sometimes.

    1. Sadly, it was not. Baby D had a good time pulling the hair of all of his aunties, but It’s never easy to manage weddings when nursing. At least I had an excuse to duck out of the interminable slideshow reviewing the entire life story of the bride and groom. (Twice. I told you it was interminable.)

  2. Poor thing! Even 40 years ago my late great grand aunt never forced tea ceremony upon her English daughter-in-law. The uncle that married a White foreigner is the eldest in the family too. My late great grand aunt had 7 kids so the 2 that migrated to England didn’t really matter to her. She still had 5 that did very well in life so they took good care of her until her last breath.

    It’s weird that your in-laws nearly burnt down your house while they could function perfectly well on their own back in Hawaii. Are they having depression because being forgetful is one of the symptom in elderly people? If it’s me, I’ll just let them burn down the house then claim insurance later. Make sure to insure the house heavily every time they visit.

    Actually, I find it pretty strange that a capable person like yourself chose to marry into such a traditional Chinese family. Is there a lack of eligible White male in America? Also, you need to consult Korean-American women when looking for a Chinese husband. For some reason, they always get the cream of the crop. Those that will surprise them with expensive vacations, Birkin bags and Cartier bracelets. Felt like I’ve lived my life in vain dating losers all these years 😛

    1. Well, I didn’t realize Andy’s parents were so traditional until after we’d been together for almost a year. And by then it was too late!

      I think it depends on what you’re looking for when you get married. I was never about the bling, but damn, I was sure tired of entitled white assholes.

      My in-laws have caused me no small amount of stress, but I would marry Andy again in heartbeat. You don’t find intelligent, hot men who can cook, dance, are handy around the house, hands on fathers, and make decent money on prep school lacrosse fields. That’s where you find your Brett Kavannaughs.

      My advice to young American women?

      Look for the son of immigrants who was promised nothing and had to work hard for everything.

      1. This just proves ‘tradition’ is malleable for perceived needs, and only works on polite, non-confrontational(at the time) people. Thankfully I didn’t have to deal with that kind of tradition within my own family. I have enjoyed the secondhand success stories of a fellow ‘son of immigrants’ being one myself. Cheers to your blog!

      2. Lol… The 2019 college admission scandal is much more interesting with diversified portfolios

        Is it true that Southern belles are traditionally expected to pay for their own wedding? Would you think very differently about marriage if you were raised in the South? How accepting are you, a German-American in regards to splitting the bills on first dates? Thanks in advance!

        1. The bride’s family does traditionally pay for the wedding. My college roommate’s family, from a small town in North Carolina, certainly did. (She also had about a thousand wedding showers thrown for her and one was even a “Coca-cola” themed shower.) Maybe it is still expected in some old school families, especially where the bride is too young to afford a wedding on her own.

          I was raised in the south for several years and I also read a ton of romance novels. But I guess some of those traditions didn’t take.

          I was the queen of either splitting the bill or just paying for the first date outright, especially if the date was my idea. I never expected that the man would automatically pay. Plus, I never wanted him to even think he was owed any physical contact because he spent money on me.

          1. Ohhh… The bride is really well loved to receive so many wedding showers. Soaking in a tub filled with Coca-cola sounds kinky (kidding!) 😛 This tradition is a lot like in India where the bride is expected to pay hefty dowry sometimes in the form of a house, a car, wedding parties, gifts and cash to the bridegroom. Now I understand the reason some men felt so entitled. If parents settle their college tuition and brides take care of weddings, basically they don’t have to shoulder much responsibilities.

            Wow, you’re really forward to think that way about splitting the bill on first dates. Many women might disagree but that’s very savvy. I hope America will have a female President soon. The US Ambassador to Malaysia is a woman and she’s doing a great job.

  3. Traditions seem so ironclad until real people and real circumstances get involved.

    I had nothing against marrying a white boy, but when the time came, I married an immigrant, and that worked out fine for me.

  4. Oh boy, prior to the whole lawyer mess, I remember how insistent baby’s daddy and his mom and sis were on the tea ceremony. My family agreed to it, but also added in a bunch of deserts ( my heritage is Russian Jewish) afterwards we went out to a restaurant for the meal. I was supposed to get a red envelope with BENJAMIN Franklin as well as Zachary, but baby daddy kept both of them. I did end up with some symbolic jewelry and bracelets? And no, I won’t give them back…

  5. Archaic tradition, indeed. It all comes back to the belief that women leave their family and are now part of the husband’s family only.

    So you wanted them to do it for your sister in law too, instead of breaking with this awful tradition? Hahaha!

    1. Oh, totally! I want the misery spread around. Also, I wanted to make sure she didn’t get special treatment because she’s Asian-American. No hauling out these traditions just to mess with the white girl!

  6. Love your blog, but I want to put on my pedant hat for a moment. Russian tea is called chai, and is not prepared in samovars. The samovar holds the hot water which you add to the zavarka (strong brew in a separate pot) to make a cup of tea.

  7. I do respect that every tradition and ceremony stems from some kind of lesson or practice in history. I also do feel we can learn a lot from our folks and elders. However hierarchy between each other doing everyday things in the everyday sense – not something I advocate for.

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