You are now connected to Tamil from Amazon.com
Me: Order #109-7525277-1234567 was a gift that was supposed to be delivered on my nephew’s birthday – June 30th. It STILL shows as expected delivery on June 30th and yet it hasn’t even shipped. What happened?
Tamil: I’m very sorry for the inconvenience caused to you with the shipping of your order, Autumn. Please don’t worry. I’ll help you with this.
Me: Thank you. But you can’t help me not look like a crappy auntie who forgot a birthday. That ship has sailed.
Tamil: I’m truly sorry for this, Autumn. Would the item be I Want My Hat Back?
Me: Yes, though I Want My Money Back would currently be a more appropriate title.
Tamil: I’m very sorry about the delay in sending your order. While looking into this, we found a problem that was preventing your order from shipping. This is corrected now, and your order will be shipping soon. I’d like to offer you a $5.00 promotional certificate as an apology for the delay.
Me: How about Amazon sends my poor, forgotten nephew a $10.00 amazon gift card along with his book and you explain how what the problem was that kept this simple book from shipping?
Tamil: I’m truly sorry! Autumn. I’d love to help you with this, however we don’t get an option to send a Gift card to the Gift receiver account.
Me: Fine, however, I am quite curious as to what kept this book from being sent. It’s not like it was a giant table. If I don’t know what the problem was, how can I have any confidence that it is fixed?
Tamil: I can assure that the item will be shipped soon. As soon as your order has shipped, we’ll send you a confirmation e-mail.
Me: Yes, but this is not clearing up the mystery. WHY was the book not sent? Computer error? Warehouse error? Inquiring minds want to know, Tamil.
Tamil: I can completely understand your concern, Autumn. This error is happened at the shipping department. And, this doesn’t happen usually. To correct this and to also assure you that this issue will be taken cared of properly, I’ve immediately forwarded your message to our shipping department as I know they’ll want to read about your experience, so that corrective actions will be made.
Me: Well, thank you for your help and for making an effort to make sure this doesn’t happen to other hapless aunties. I mean, “We’re sorry, here’s five bucks,” is nice in that Amazon admits the error and makes an effort at restitution. But can it make up for a little boy’s eyes filling with tears and saying, “Auntie forgetted my birfday and my sister gotted present… and is NEVER forgetted…”
Tamil: Please accept my sincere apologies for this.
Me: Thank you, and thank you for the help. You shall not be forgetted.
Tamil: You’re most welcome! Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
Me: Nope. Unless you can arrange for balloons and a non-psychotic-looking clown at my nephew’s house.
You are disconnected from Tamil.
You are now reconnected with Tamil.
Tamil: I’m sorry we were disconnected. I can pick up where we left off.
Me: It was the clown, wasn’t it? Never mind, I’ll show myself out.
You are now disconnected.
You are now connected to Gaela from Amazon.com.
Me: Order #109-7525277-1234567 still shows as not delivered, but delivery is expected on June 30th. I had an entire chat with TAMIL that should have resolved the problem on June 30th.
Gaela: Hello, my name is Gaela. This doesn’t usually happen and I will surely pass this issue to the proper department to avoid this from happening again. I can confirmed that the order was not shipped. I am sorry for the inconvenience, Autumn. Upon checking here, there was no indication what is the problem or what happened on the order why it was not shipped.
Me: So this is THE SECOND TIME this thing that usually doesn’t happen has happened with the same order. I will now paste the transcript of my chat with Tamil so you can see this for yourself.
June 30th chat is pasted because yeah, Andy’s right and I save everything. (I told you it comes in handy, Andy!)
Gaela: I read your previous conversation, Autumn. I understand and I can validate how you feel.
Me: I don’t want you to validate how I feel. I want you to fix the problem. And I want to know why, after Tamil assured me this would never happen again, it happened again. ON THE SAME ORDER
Gaela: I sincerely apologized for what happened and believe me I am here to help you. In this case, to help make up with the delay, I would suggest to just cancel this order and you may place a new order for the item. I would like to offer you 20% discount of the item’s price.
Me: Galea, this is just not good enough. I have no faith in the fact that any order will ever arrive. I have now wasted at least an hour on chats and orders that apparently do not arrive and a problem is never fixed.
Gaela: I understand your concern and I know my apologies will not cover all the inconvenience this has caused you. And we truly value this kind of feedback, as it helps us continue to improve our store and provide better service to our customers. I’ll be sure to pass your message on to the appropriate people in our company. Please bear with me. I am providing the best option I have here.
Me: I want to know what the real problem is. I want to know how this little book didn’t ship. TWICE. What kind of glitch in Amazon’s system can show it as “not shipped” and have an expected arrival date that is now A WEEK behind today’s date.
Gaela: I truly apologize, Autumn. I know how important this item is and I am trying my best to help and fix the problem.
Me: It WAS an important item. Luckily, the recipient is three. He’s forgotten what he ate for breakfast, AND the loser auntie who forgot his birthday. I hope.
Gaela: I’m very sorry about all of this. I hope you’ll consider this an isolated incident and give us another chance in the future.
Me: Once is an isolated incident. Twice looks distressingly like a pattern. Can you refund the amount of time I’ve spent online trying to fix this issue? For one book that is under $11.00?
Gaela: Please let me know what will make you feel better so I can check with my resources and see if we can accommodate.
Me: I want the book to go to my nephew overnight. I think Amazon should pay for the overnight fees AND the cost of the book.
Gaela: No problem, I can do that. Can you tell me how can I help and make you feel better?
Me: How about a pony?
Me: I hear ponies make people feel better. Also less scary than a clown.
Gaela: I am sorry but pony is not familiar to me.
Me: A pony is a small horse. Kids love them.
Gaela: Would you like this: http://www.amazon.com/My-Little-Pony-Rainbow-Dash?
Me: Uh, no, I’m good. But thank you for being thorough. So is Amazon is beta testing an AI?
Galea: I’m sorry, I do not understand?
Me: Real persons know about ponies.
Gaela: Oh, I am a real person and I know about ponies however, I thought you are just referring to a different pony or something.
Me: I remain unconvinced. However, AI or human, have a good night.
Gaela: I am a real person. 🙂 Have a good night!
Enjoy your dreams of electric sheep, Gaela.
Addendum: Yes, the package was delivered, albeit in TWO days, not one. My nephew was enthralled for a full twenty minutes before his older sister appropriated the book.