Month: July 2016

Demolition Man (#142)

IMG_9165I’m not very handy. I’m super competent, yes, in small ways: I can change a tire, hang pictures, put up window treatments, paint, tape trim, move spiders outside, clean lint out of the dryer vent, plunge a toilet, and get plant cuttings to root.

But Do It Yourself projects? Uh, no. I didn’t even know what studs were until I met Andy. (Yes, ha, and yes, true.) DIY scares me, probably because my father’s efforts at anything beyond caulking involved profanity and fears of an untimely death. Continue reading Demolition Man (#142)

Adventures at the Dog Park (#141)

Andy wanted a dog. We adopted a rescue named Woofie.

Woofie wanted to play with everything, including the cats. The cats did not want to play with Woofie. In vain would Woofie bark and prance around in front of them. The cats would only hide, hit, and hiss.

Woofie was sad. Until we discovered the Redondo Beach Dog Park. Continue reading Adventures at the Dog Park (#141)

Amazon Chats (#140)

June 30

You are now connected to Tamil from Amazon.com

IMG_8854Me: Order #109-7525277-1234567 was a gift that was supposed to be delivered on my nephew’s birthday – June 30th. It STILL shows as expected delivery on June 30th and yet it hasn’t even shipped. What happened?

Tamil: I’m very sorry for the inconvenience caused to you with the shipping of your order, Autumn. Please don’t worry. I’ll help you with this.

Me: Thank you. But you can’t help me not look like a crappy auntie who forgot a birthday. That ship has sailed.

Tamil: I’m truly sorry for this, Autumn. Would the item be I Want My Hat Back?

Me: Yes, though I Want My Money Back would currently be a more appropriate title. Continue reading Amazon Chats (#140)

The Hunt (#139)

Look! It's a sign! A rainbow on the studio backlot...oh, wait, more Hollywood fakery.
Look! It’s a sign! A rainbow on the studio backlot…oh, wait, more Hollywood fakery.

When my production company laid me off, I sued them for unpaid wages. That’s risky. Hollywood is all about relationships. Relationships are all about getting along – even when you’re getting screwed. Make waves, and you may never be hired again. Unless, of course, you are An Established White Male Director or Actor, in which case everything from rape (statutory or aided by rufies) to drugs to assault to crazy-assed religious requirements are forgiven. You might not even have to do a highly publicized stint in rehab! Continue reading The Hunt (#139)

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