Frenchie’s First Halloween (#90)

American kids are out for blood candy.
American kids out for blood candy.

About a month after my wedding, my friend M got married. Surprisingly, given her card-carrying Republican status, her husband was not an American. I’m not going to say where he’s from, but she met him in Germany and we’ll call him “Frenchie.”

Frenchie and M lived in one of the mountain states when they first moved back to the U.S. M said it took a while to get used to no public transportation, dirty windows, and soft bread once more. Frenchie quickly acclimated to large screen TVs, his own car, and crappy beer. HIs first serious bit of culture shock came when Halloween arrived.

Frenchie observed a parade of superheroes and princesses move from the sidewalk to their front door. He heard the kids ring the doorbell. M opened the door. The kids screamed, “Trick or treat!” with varying levels of enthusiasm. He watched M giggle, exclaim over the cute costumes, and dole one piece of candy per child.

The next time the doorbell rang, Frenchie said, “I got this.”

He opened the door and found a mini-Batman. “Trick or treat!”

Frenchie held out the bowl of candy. “Great costume. You are old enough to pick your own candy, eh?”

Batman’s eyes lit up. “Awesome!” He grabbed an overflowing handful and stuffed it in his bag.

“Hey, hey!” bellowed Frenchie. “You were supposed to take one!”

Frenchie plunged his hand into Batman’s bag. He lifted out his own, adult-sized handful, and put it back in M’s candy bowl.

Batman stuttered, “B-b-but you just took back out more than I put in!”

Frenchie said, “That will teach you not to be so greedy!” and slammed the door.

M sent Frenchie off to watch his giant TV.  She answered the door the rest of the evening.

No word on how long it took Batman to recover.

Published by

Autumn Ashbough

WF writing about the humorous perils of life with Chinese-American significant other.

24 thoughts on “Frenchie’s First Halloween (#90)”

  1. Hilarious! Bat Kid will grow up to be a model of moderation, I’m sure 🙂

    Totally unrelated, but I know you are an Ed McCaffrey fan. His son, Christian, is a RB at Stanford, and is garnering alot of attention in early discussions about the Heisman Trophy:–ncaaf.html

    Ed was slow, but that dude was like the Eiffel Tower in the red zone – no missing him!

    1. I guess I’m happy for Ed and Christian, and yet…I worry for any player in football these days. The head injuries are terrifying.

      I once said, “Ed McCaffrey” in my sleep. Andy has NEVER let me forget it.

  2. Frenchie would like to set the record straight and share another story. “I put only a few candies in his pumpkin and he asked me, ‘Is that it?’ Then I took couple back. You can also share the story that a kid wanted to trade a chocolate bar for a soda, because I had given his dad a beer. I said, ‘What do I look like a convenience store.'”

    1. Free beer? I want to go trick or treating at your place. I’d just get some stray kid to come with me and pretend to be his dad.

        1. Apparently, one of my friends who I haven’t seen much lately had red cup Halloweeen with margaritas for parents T-or-Ting.

  3. I just finished binge reading all your posts and am so taken with all you write. Plus I have learned some valuable information on Chinese cultures and mores that are helping me understand things in a relationship close to me!

  4. Thank you, Lin! I am flattered when I get a binge reader. Delighted to hear I am helpful and informative. Although, take some of it with a grain of salt. Andy thinks his parents are unique even among Chinese parents.

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