It’s 5:45 PM on Friday when I get a message from Andy.
The text reads: Why don’t you come down to my place this weekend?
And then there’s the subtext: Please don’t make me take the 405 to the 101 to the 134 two weekends in a row.
I respond with: I thought you were coming up here?
Meaning: You’re crazy if you think I’m taking the 134 to the 5 to the 110 to the 105 to the 405 during rush hour on a Friday night.
Andy: I wanted to cook something special for you.
Please accept this bribe.
Me: Really? What?
You cannot possibly offer me anything worth three hours of freeway misery.
Andy: Hang on. Work page. AC shut off in lab.
Shit. Where’s “The Joy of Cooking?”
Me: Is that a problem?
Better think fast, bucko.
Andy: No. Goes off a lot. I live the closest. Get automatically paged, but we aren’t running any tests right now. Should be fine.
Why is this book so huge? Even the index is a hundred pages!
Me: If you don’t have to check on the lab this weekend, you should come up here.
I just checked traffic. There’s a sigalert on the 405.
Andy: Next time it might be something more serious. Like the lab on fire.
Noooo! How did I get back to square one? And now there’s a sigalert on the 405! Screw you, “Joy of Cooking!” Where’s is my Roy Yamaguchi cookbook?!
Me: The LAB on fire?
More like, “Liar, liar, PANTS on fire.”
Andy: No. Of course not. That could never happen.
Shit! Did I just compromise my next security clearance polygraph test?
Me: So you’ll come up here?
I sense victory!
Andy: K. Unless you want me to make you Roasted Squash Soup with Cream and Candied Pecans. Followed by a Warm Spinach Salad with Scallops.
Roy puts the menus in the front of the cookbook. Roy is my hero.
Me: But I can’t leave the cats all weekend.
Time to play the “Get Out of Jail” free card!
Andy: You can bring cats. I’ll pick up a litter box and some litter while you’re driving down.
I’ll put the litter box in the guest room. With some catnip. My bedroom door has a lock. Won’t THAT be a nice change.
If I exit the 105 at Sepulveda instead of taking the 405…
Andy: Dessert: Cheesecake with a Coconut Crust and Macadamia Nut Praline.
Hail Mary, full of grace…
I would drive to San Diego for that cheesecake.
Me: It will take a while to pack up all the stuff we need for a whole weekend.
Maybe the traffic will die down if I don’t leave until 8. And Andy’s got a washing machine. I can fit two baskets of laundry in my trunk.
Andy: No worry. Take your time.
I hope I have chicken stock in the freezer. Does Albertson’s carry chicken stock?
Me: Love you. C U soon.
I’ll be lucky if I get there by 9:30. Better be worth it.
Andy: Love you. Drive safe!
Drive SLOW. I have three courses to make! Is it really worth it?
I didn’t arrive until 10. Commando Cat peed all over his pet carrier and my front seat. Dinner wasn’t ready until 11.
Totally worth it.