Text. Subtext. (#20)


It’s 5:45 PM on Friday when I get a message from Andy.

The text reads: Why don’t you come down to my place this weekend?

And then there’s the subtext: Please don’t make me take the 405 to the 101 to the 134 two weekends in a row.

I respond with: I thought you were coming up here?
Meaning: You’re crazy if you think I’m taking the 134 to the 5 to the 110 to the 105 to the 405 during rush hour on a Friday night.

Andy: I wanted to cook something special for you.
Please accept this bribe.

Me: Really? What?
You cannot possibly offer me anything worth three hours of freeway misery.

Andy: Hang on.  Work page.  AC shut off in lab.
Shit. Where’s “The Joy of Cooking?”

Me: Is that a problem?
Better think fast, bucko.

Andy: No. Goes off a lot. I live the closest.  Get automatically paged, but we aren’t running any tests right now.  Should be fine.
Why is this book so huge? Even the index is a hundred pages!

Me: If you don’t have to check on the lab this weekend, you should come up here.
I just checked traffic. There’s a sigalert on the 405.

Andy: Next time it might be something more serious. Like the lab on fire.
Noooo! How did I get back to square one? And now there’s a sigalert on the 405! Screw you, “Joy of Cooking!” Where’s is my Roy Yamaguchi cookbook?!

Me: The LAB on fire?
More like, “Liar, liar, PANTS on fire.”

Andy: No.  Of course not. That could never happen.
Shit! Did I just compromise my next security clearance polygraph test?

Me: So you’ll come up here?
I sense victory!

Andy:  K.  Unless you want me to make you Roasted Squash Soup with Cream and Candied Pecans. Followed by a Warm Spinach Salad with Scallops.
Roy puts the menus in the front of the cookbook. Roy is my hero.

 Me: But I can’t leave the cats all weekend.
Time to play the “Get Out of Jail” free card!

Andy: You can bring cats. I’ll pick up a litter box and some litter while you’re driving down.
I’ll put the litter box in the guest room. With some catnip. My bedroom door has a lock. Won’t THAT be a nice change.

Me: idk
If I exit the 105 at Sepulveda instead of taking the 405…

Andy: Dessert: Cheesecake with a Coconut Crust and Macadamia Nut Praline.
Hail Mary, full of grace…

Me: K.
I would drive to San Diego for that cheesecake.

Andy: 🙂
I win!

Me: It will take a while to pack up all the stuff we need for a whole weekend.
Maybe the traffic will die down if I don’t leave until 8. And Andy’s got a washing machine. I can fit two baskets of laundry in my trunk.

Andy: No worry.  Take your time.
I hope I have chicken stock in the freezer. Does Albertson’s carry chicken stock?

Me: Love you. C U soon.
I’ll be lucky if I get there by 9:30. Better be worth it.

 Andy: Love you. Drive safe!
Drive SLOW. I have three courses to make! Is it really worth it?

I didn’t arrive until 10. Commando Cat peed all over his pet carrier and my front seat. Dinner wasn’t ready until 11.

Totally worth it.

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Autumn Ashbough

WF writing about the humorous perils of life with Chinese-American significant other.

13 thoughts on “Text. Subtext. (#20)”

  1. OMG! I had a relationship many years ago where we lived an hour and a half apart. It was hell. There wasn’t even too much traffic. There always was the long commute to figure in especially if someone decided to leave Monday morning instead of Sunday night. And damn, he didn’t cook! What was I thinking?

      1. Hey, the hour-and-a-half commute thing worked for me. (Mostly because of Someone Else’s inhuman patience.)

  2. I want cheesecake and I still didn’t make any. Bah. Imma bake some someday. Or buy it.
    Ha! Comando cat did it. xDDD Poor you people– having to clean up. xDDD

    My cat marked his territory sometime ago, on the wall, below my window. = =

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