Drunk Brothers & God: The Wedding Rehearsal (#69)

Gazebo WolfeboroIt was the evening before my wedding. My Chinese-American fiancé and I had made the mistake of having an open bar at our rehearsal dinner. Despite Andy’s best efforts, most of our wedding party got trashed. The worst offenders were our brothers. My Big Brother, former Naval Officer, had conned my twenty-one-year-old Baby Brother into attempting to match his alcohol consumption. And while Andy’s little brother Denny had thankfully been cut off early by the bartender, he’d still downed too many shots.

As of 8 PM, Team Navy was still underway at full speed, Team China was barely afloat, and Team 21 was sinking fast. Continue reading Drunk Brothers & God: The Wedding Rehearsal (#69)

The Bridesmaids’ Luncheon: A Play in One Part (#67)

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PART ONE (OF ONE)          SCENE ONE (OF ONE)

Interior of the finest, fanciest restaurant in Nowhere, New Hampshire. In this restaurant, the mason jars used as water glasses have handles.

 Nine women sit at a long table.  They hand their menus to a waiter. Eight of them will have to wait to be introduced until they actually say something because otherwise the stage directions will take up an entire page. Continue reading The Bridesmaids’ Luncheon: A Play in One Part (#67)

Steaming (#66)

Wedding Dress

Lisa’s Bridal Shop made my wedding dress in Los Angeles. I got married in New Hampshire. The dress was too big to fit in a carry-on bag on the plane. As United Airlines once lost my suitcase and an entire collection of expensive suits that I wore to various film markets, I wasn’t about to put my precious (i.e., unbelievably expensive) dress in checked luggage. I arranged for Lisa’s to ship my dress, along with some of the bridesmaid dresses, directly to Patty’s Bridal & Tux Rental shop in Nowhere, New Hampshire.

I should have packed it and shipped it myself. Continue reading Steaming (#66)

Murphy’s Wedding (#57)

Sometimes, the bride feels like anything BUT a princess.
Sometimes, the bride feels like anything BUT a princess.

I couldn’t figure out why my wedding was so stressful until I compared it to making a movie.

If a wedding were a Hollywood movie, the bride would be the director, the producer, and the writer. She’s the costume designer, the casting director, and the location scout.

The bride is also the star.

The bride is so screwed. Continue reading Murphy’s Wedding (#57)

Bridesmaids Revolt (#52)

IMG_3901About five months before my wedding, my bridesmaids rebelled. Well, not all of them. Five of my bridesmaids were my sisters and half-sisters. My maid of honor and the other two bridesmaids were not related to me. They were my best girlfriends. Guess which group of bridesmaids revolted. Continue reading Bridesmaids Revolt (#52)

Such Devoted Sisters (#46)

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One of my sisters is a year older than I am. One of my sisters is a year younger. Older Sister is petite. I am not. By the time she was four and I was three, we were frequently mistaken for twins. I loved it. She hated it. Continue reading Such Devoted Sisters (#46)

You Can Dance, If You Want To. If Not, They’ll Make You. (#43)

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If you asked us how we met, and you’d get two different answers.

I’d say, “We met dancing.”

My Chinese-American fiancé Andy would say, “We met at a bar.” He’d assume a nonchalant air, but you’d see his chest puff out, just a bit, as if to say, “I’m a player. That’s how I roll, scooping up white girls at the bar, every Friday night. I have moves. No woman can resist.” Continue reading You Can Dance, If You Want To. If Not, They’ll Make You. (#43)

Baby Siblings From Hell (#42)

When your siblings are little stinkers...
When your siblings are little stinkers…

The first time I got mistaken for the mother of one of my baby siblings, I was thirteen. I had taken Gorgeous Little Singing Sister (who at that time was more like Screaming Demon Sister) to the park with Baby Brother. Continue reading Baby Siblings From Hell (#42)

Dresses (#36)

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When I went shopping for a wedding dress, I took my girlfriends JM and KL.

You might be wondering why I took my friends instead of my mom. Continue reading Dresses (#36)