The Pie (#91)

It's almost the season for Dad's apple pie...
It’s almost the season for Dad’s apple pie. And flashbacks.

On the weekends, I wake before Andy. I shuffle into the kitchen, turn on the coffee maker, and scoop the oatmeal into bowls. Invariably, one scoop is bigger than the other. Invariably, my hand always reaches for the bigger bowl first.

It is instinctive.

It’s also as unusual as hell. Women – especially in LA – are all about small portions. Continue reading The Pie (#91)

Don’t Open the Door (#70)

Wedding Banquet
The Wedding Banquet — courtesy of Cineplex.com

In Ang Lee’s The Wedding Banquet, the Chinese bride and groom collapse in their hotel room after an exhausting wedding. There’s a knock on the door. The bride goes to answer it. The groom tries to stop her. Too late! All the young wedding guests pour into the hotel room, carting tables, chairs, booze, and supplies for potentially humiliating sexual games. They set up shop and party. Questionable, regrettable activities ensue.

The moral of the story? Never open the door. Continue reading Don’t Open the Door (#70)

Drunk Brothers & God: The Wedding Rehearsal (#69)

Gazebo WolfeboroIt was the evening before my wedding. My Chinese-American fiancé and I had made the mistake of having an open bar at our rehearsal dinner. Despite Andy’s best efforts, most of our wedding party got trashed. The worst offenders were our brothers. My Big Brother, former Naval Officer, had conned my twenty-one-year-old Baby Brother into attempting to match his alcohol consumption. And while Andy’s little brother Denny had thankfully been cut off early by the bartender, he’d still downed too many shots.

As of 8 PM, Team Navy was still underway at full speed, Team China was barely afloat, and Team 21 was sinking fast. Continue reading Drunk Brothers & God: The Wedding Rehearsal (#69)

Seven Rules for Your Wedding Rehearsal Dinner (#68)

When it came to our brothers, Andy and I were in the same boat. (Courtesy of the Winniepesaukee Belle.)
When it came to our brothers, Andy and I were in the same boat. (Courtesy of the Winnipesaukee Belle.)
  1. Don’t have a big rehearsal dinner/ party the night before the wedding.
  2. If you must disregard Rule #1, do not serve alcohol at the party the night before the wedding.
  3. If you must disregard Rule #1 AND #2, do not have a morning wedding.
  4. If you must disregard Rules #1, #2, AND #3 absolutely DO NOT have an open bar at the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.
  5. If you must disregard Rules #1, #2, #3, AND #4 make sure no members of your wedding party have recently turned 21.
  6. If you are seriously such a fool as to ignore Rules #1, #2, #3, #4, AND #5 there’s  no chance you’ll pay attention to this one, but I’ll give it to you anyway. For God’s sake, do not schedule your only wedding rehearsal with the minister AFTER the open bar at the party the night before your morning wedding.
  7. If you disregarded Rules 1-6, you are an idiot.

Continue reading Seven Rules for Your Wedding Rehearsal Dinner (#68)