Me Neither (#75)

When will the bride and groom get to enjoy some of their own wedding cuisine in peace?
When will the bride and groom get to enjoy some of their own wedding cuisine in peace? When pigs fly, of course.

Married persons —

Do you remember all the lovely food at your wedding? The cuisine that you carefully selected in advance? The hors d’oeuvres of bacon-wrapped scallops, chicken satay, or asparagus goat cheese brioche? Can you recall the taste of the prime rib, or the mushroom ravioli?

Yeah, me neither. Continue reading Me Neither (#75)

Seven Rules for Your Wedding Rehearsal Dinner (#68)

When it came to our brothers, Andy and I were in the same boat. (Courtesy of the Winniepesaukee Belle.)
When it came to our brothers, Andy and I were in the same boat. (Courtesy of the Winnipesaukee Belle.)
  1. Don’t have a big rehearsal dinner/ party the night before the wedding.
  2. If you must disregard Rule #1, do not serve alcohol at the party the night before the wedding.
  3. If you must disregard Rule #1 AND #2, do not have a morning wedding.
  4. If you must disregard Rules #1, #2, AND #3 absolutely DO NOT have an open bar at the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.
  5. If you must disregard Rules #1, #2, #3, AND #4 make sure no members of your wedding party have recently turned 21.
  6. If you are seriously such a fool as to ignore Rules #1, #2, #3, #4, AND #5 there’s  no chance you’ll pay attention to this one, but I’ll give it to you anyway. For God’s sake, do not schedule your only wedding rehearsal with the minister AFTER the open bar at the party the night before your morning wedding.
  7. If you disregarded Rules 1-6, you are an idiot.

Continue reading Seven Rules for Your Wedding Rehearsal Dinner (#68)

Murphy’s Wedding (#57)

Sometimes, the bride feels like anything BUT a princess.
Sometimes, the bride feels like anything BUT a princess.

I couldn’t figure out why my wedding was so stressful until I compared it to making a movie.

If a wedding were a Hollywood movie, the bride would be the director, the producer, and the writer. She’s the costume designer, the casting director, and the location scout.

The bride is also the star.

The bride is so screwed. Continue reading Murphy’s Wedding (#57)

A Question of Cake (#49)

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I love cake. Okay, I love all baked goods, but cake is the best. It was my favorite part of all my parents’ weddings. It’s STILL my favorite part of every wedding. I do enjoy the dancing now that I bring my own partner, but while I’m dancing with Andy, I’m totally eyeing that four-tiered, fabulous, elaborate, fondant-covered wedding cake in the corner. Continue reading A Question of Cake (#49)

Invitation to Disaster (#38)

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The wedding invitation designer put her head in her hands.

“You can do it,” I told her encouragingly. “I’m sure you can find some way to fit them all in.” Continue reading Invitation to Disaster (#38)

Dresses (#36)

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When I went shopping for a wedding dress, I took my girlfriends JM and KL.

You might be wondering why I took my friends instead of my mom. Continue reading Dresses (#36)

Andy Drives a Hard Bargain (#35)

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So…what is the difference between a payment and a gift?

When I met my Chinese-American fiancé, he already had a nice little townhouse near the beach in Los Angeles. He had a very nice muscle car. He’d clearly spent a lot of money on dance lessons.  After I met him, he spent even more money on dancing. He gave me expensive presents, including a platinum and diamond engagement ring. Until I met his parents, I had no idea he came from an exceptionally frugal family. Continue reading Andy Drives a Hard Bargain (#35)

Operation End Run (#26)

Lake Nowhere, NH
Lake Nowhere, New Hampshire, in autumn.

My Chinese-American boyfriend and I had been engaged 12 hours. His mother had already booked a church in Hawaii – never mind that I wanted to get married in New Hampshire. Sunny, however, refused to hear any plans that ran counter to hers.

Time for drastic measures. Continue reading Operation End Run (#26)

Going Too Far (#25)

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Which wedding venue will win?

It was my engagement weekend at a very ritzy hotel in South Pasadena with my Chinese-American fiancé. My white family was several time zones ahead on the East Coast. Andy’s parents live in Hawaii. Andy’s parents were the first to find out we were getting married.

And that’s where I made my first tactical error. Continue reading Going Too Far (#25)