Very Telling (#224)

No sooner had my husband and I returned from our honeymoon than my Chinese-American father-in-law called, demanding to know where his grandson was.

He called every week. In vain did I explain family planning and birth control to my husband’s parents.

After three years, Jay finally quit calling. Continue reading Very Telling (#224)

Try As You Might (#223)

I lost my mom when I was a teen. It was awful. It was untimely, a tragedy, etc.  She left six kids with a) a mentally unstable father/ stepfather and b) a ton of unresolved issues.

And yet.

I understood that it was better than the reverse. A mother should never outlive her children. Continue reading Try As You Might (#223)

Not Your Ordinary Magic Wand (#217)

Finding out I was pregnant was anticlimactic. Because here’s the rule: you can’t tell anyone until you know it’s a viable pregnancy.

Actually, you can tell people, sure, but since 1 out of every 3 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, you run the risk of having to un-tell them later. Possibly while sobbing incoherently.

So I was stuck in this no-man’s-land of being pregnant – maybe – for two weeks while I waited for my obstetrician to officially confirm that a) my pregnancy tests weren’t liars and b) the embryo had a heartbeat. Continue reading Not Your Ordinary Magic Wand (#217)

Silence & Stigma (#210)

Trigger warning for miscarriage.

I spent decades in abject terror of an accidental pregnancy. When my husband convinced me it was time to try for a baby, it was jarring to have my mindset spin 180 degrees and think, “Oh, shit – what if I can’t get pregnant? And then what happens if I can’t stay pregnant?”

Despite having a mom who aspired to be a fertility goddess, I knew the statistics.

One out of every three pregnancies ends in a miscarriage. Continue reading Silence & Stigma (#210)