When Your Asian Guy Won’t Fight For You (#157)

This spur-of-the-moment midnight post might not be for everyone. But a fellow Western Woman involved with an Asian Male is heartsick now. Maybe there are a few other women out there running into this same cultural clash.

Maybe I can help. So here I am, riding in on my white horse, with this post about one of the biggest struggles I face with my Chinese-American guy. Not every white woman’s experience will mirror mine, and not every guy with Chinese parents will turn out like Andy. But some of you might see just enough of the same dynamic to find our story helpful.

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In my white, American family, dissent was acceptable. Continue reading When Your Asian Guy Won’t Fight For You (#157)

One Beastly Dance (#73)

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My Chinese-American husband and I met in the competitive partner dancing world. My boyfriend/ partner at the time (Ethan) didn’t want to compete anymore. He said, “Hey, you should dance with Andy.”

THAT was a tactical error. Continue reading One Beastly Dance (#73)

An Interview with Andy & Instructions for Meeting Women (#55)

This was supposed to be my first “Guest Post,” written entirely by my Chinese-American guy, Andy.  It only took me five months of badgering, and I was super excited about it.  His deadline was yesterday.

This morning, Andy showed me his post.  It was a one-page flow chart. Continue reading An Interview with Andy & Instructions for Meeting Women (#55)

Dirty Laundry (#53)

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Dan Savage has a very funny and oh-so-true post about the myth of finding “the one:”

…[when] you meet somebody for the first time…they’re presenting their idealized self to you… Continue reading Dirty Laundry (#53)

Once Upon a Time, When We Were Just Friends (#50)

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You can learn a lot about a guy when you’re stuck in airport lines.

My Chinese-American fiancé and I were friends and dance partners for a long time before we got romantically involved. We spent a ton of time together at airports and hotels, not to mention the dance floor. We got to know each other very well. Continue reading Once Upon a Time, When We Were Just Friends (#50)

Why Andy is Handy (#48)

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Andy installs his own tile floors and fixes toilets. For real.

My Chinese-American fiancé isn’t confrontational. As a child, if Andy so much as disagreed with his father, he’d get a knuckle in the head. Andy’s parents didn’t care what he thought, what he wanted, or whether he agreed with their plans. Jay and Sunny did what they thought was best. They expected their children to fall in line. Continue reading Why Andy is Handy (#48)

Dating Horror Stories, or, How I Met JM (#47)

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Jocelyn Eikenburg, unofficial President of the AMWF Cyber Society, recently posted several pieces on Speaking of China about the perception that interracial dating and interracial relationships are more difficult than coupling within your own race.

Well, I can’t speak for everyone else, but dating my Chinese-American guy Andy was SO easy. Continue reading Dating Horror Stories, or, How I Met JM (#47)

You Can Dance, If You Want To. If Not, They’ll Make You. (#43)

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If you asked us how we met, and you’d get two different answers.

I’d say, “We met dancing.”

My Chinese-American fiancé Andy would say, “We met at a bar.” He’d assume a nonchalant air, but you’d see his chest puff out, just a bit, as if to say, “I’m a player. That’s how I roll, scooping up white girls at the bar, every Friday night. I have moves. No woman can resist.” Continue reading You Can Dance, If You Want To. If Not, They’ll Make You. (#43)

Andy Goes to Utah (#40)

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Once my father moved to Utah, he was the only relative within driving distance. After a few years and a lot of therapy, I actually made the trip. Continue reading Andy Goes to Utah (#40)

Andy Drives a Hard Bargain (#35)

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So…what is the difference between a payment and a gift?

When I met my Chinese-American fiancé, he already had a nice little townhouse near the beach in Los Angeles. He had a very nice muscle car. He’d clearly spent a lot of money on dance lessons.  After I met him, he spent even more money on dancing. He gave me expensive presents, including a platinum and diamond engagement ring. Until I met his parents, I had no idea he came from an exceptionally frugal family. Continue reading Andy Drives a Hard Bargain (#35)