When Your Asian Guy Won’t Fight For You (#157)

This spur-of-the-moment midnight post might not be for everyone. But a fellow Western Woman involved with an Asian Male is heartsick now. Maybe there are a few other women out there running into this same cultural clash.

Maybe I can help. So here I am, riding in on my white horse, with this post about one of the biggest struggles I face with my Chinese-American guy. Not every white woman’s experience will mirror mine, and not every guy with Chinese parents will turn out like Andy. But some of you might see just enough of the same dynamic to find our story helpful.

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In my white, American family, dissent was acceptable. Continue reading When Your Asian Guy Won’t Fight For You (#157)

Ice, Dance, and Drama (#112)

Maia and Alex Shibutani in 2011
Maia and Alex Shibutani on the podium in 2011- Wikipedia.

When my parents divorced, my dad got the TV. I lived with my mother, TV-less, for several years. (And half of my American readers thought I was kidding about being a poor and hungry child. Nothing like the lack of a TV to really bring poverty home, right?) But don’t pity me. Sure, I totally suck at pop culture references in Trivia games, but I discovered books. I lived on the prairie with Laura Ingalls and on the Island with Anne Shirley. Life was good. Continue reading Ice, Dance, and Drama (#112)

All You Can Eat Honeymoon (#76)

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I wanted to go to England for our honeymoon. Andy wanted to go lie on a beach.  Since Andy yielded to me on pretty much all the “Autumn in New England” wedding details, I gave in on the honeymoon. Continue reading All You Can Eat Honeymoon (#76)

Me Neither (#75)

When will the bride and groom get to enjoy some of their own wedding cuisine in peace?
When will the bride and groom get to enjoy some of their own wedding cuisine in peace? When pigs fly, of course.

Married persons —

Do you remember all the lovely food at your wedding? The cuisine that you carefully selected in advance? The hors d’oeuvres of bacon-wrapped scallops, chicken satay, or asparagus goat cheese brioche? Can you recall the taste of the prime rib, or the mushroom ravioli?

Yeah, me neither. Continue reading Me Neither (#75)

One Beastly Dance (#73)

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My Chinese-American husband and I met in the competitive partner dancing world. My boyfriend/ partner at the time (Ethan) didn’t want to compete anymore. He said, “Hey, you should dance with Andy.”

THAT was a tactical error. Continue reading One Beastly Dance (#73)

Seven Rules for Your Wedding Rehearsal Dinner (#68)

When it came to our brothers, Andy and I were in the same boat. (Courtesy of the Winniepesaukee Belle.)
When it came to our brothers, Andy and I were in the same boat. (Courtesy of the Winnipesaukee Belle.)
  1. Don’t have a big rehearsal dinner/ party the night before the wedding.
  2. If you must disregard Rule #1, do not serve alcohol at the party the night before the wedding.
  3. If you must disregard Rule #1 AND #2, do not have a morning wedding.
  4. If you must disregard Rules #1, #2, AND #3 absolutely DO NOT have an open bar at the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.
  5. If you must disregard Rules #1, #2, #3, AND #4 make sure no members of your wedding party have recently turned 21.
  6. If you are seriously such a fool as to ignore Rules #1, #2, #3, #4, AND #5 there’s  no chance you’ll pay attention to this one, but I’ll give it to you anyway. For God’s sake, do not schedule your only wedding rehearsal with the minister AFTER the open bar at the party the night before your morning wedding.
  7. If you disregarded Rules 1-6, you are an idiot.

Continue reading Seven Rules for Your Wedding Rehearsal Dinner (#68)

Don’t Do Dick (#64)

Will the sun finally go down on Dick?
Will the sun finally go down on Dick?

When I read Susan Blumberg-Kason’s Good Chinese Wife: A Love Affair with China Gone Wrong, the book took me back to the relationship I had with Dick, the man who introduced me to competitive dancing. If you want to be taken back as well, check out Dick The First and Dick The Second. In short, Dick morphed from charming into controlling as fast as I turned into a decent dancer. Continue reading Don’t Do Dick (#64)

Dancing with the Dick, Part II (#63)

One cannot overstate the number of rhinestones found at dance competitions.
One cannot overstate the number of rhinestones found at dance competitions.

For those of you tuning in for the first time, I’d suggest reading Part I first. Don’t worry, this post isn’t going anywhere!

I didn’t say much to Dick on our way to my first dance competition in Palm Springs. He drove. (Have you ever noticed how the dominant personality always drives? Useless info I learned in film school.) Continue reading Dancing with the Dick, Part II (#63)

How to Tell the Dancer from the Dance (#62)

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Until last January, I had no idea that other people had noticed the dearth of Asian Male, White Female couples. I certainly had no idea there was a whole AMWF cyber community. And while I was kinda bummed that I was not, in fact, the first internet interracial love pioneer, I was delighted to find so many other unicorns. Some were even authors! Susan Blumberg-Kason, for example, wrote a memoir entitled Good Chinese Wife. Continue reading How to Tell the Dancer from the Dance (#62)

Alas for the Bachelor…Party (#60)

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The year before Andy and I got married, we went to nine weddings. Some were my friends, some were his friends, and some were mutual friends. My Chinese-American fiancé attended something like seven bachelor parties. Three were his closest friends: Salad, Pumpkin, and String Bean. Andy was String Bean’s best man, and he did String Bean’s party right – a boy’s night on the town, complete with pimp hat, handcuffs, and feather boa for the groom. Continue reading Alas for the Bachelor…Party (#60)