Yeah, I know I haven’t posted in a while. Thank you for your patience while I’m off having adventures in the Northeast, which is green and quiet and soothing and far away from the Chinese mother-in-law telling me that I should be eating celery to lose weight while also insisting that I should go to dim sum daily. (No, celery is not a dish served at dim sum. You see my issue.)
The rural Northeast is also soothing because cell service and WiFi are questionable, at best. More than once I’ve hiked 2 miles to get a decent signal for a phone call.
This makes it hard to check my blog or post anything. Lack of internet also means that I can’t check Twitter daily and learn just how much Trump fucked over our country that particular morning. Pretty sure my blood pressure is down. At least as far as politics goes, because my vacation isn’t exactly going like I planned.
One of my many sisters got bitten by a potentially rabid dog in Africa. She’s okay, but I had to wait for her to finish her rabies shots before she could fly back into the U.S. (Also, how bizarre is it that I just said, “Oh, yeah, I had to wait for MY SISTER to get her final rabies shot?!”)
While I was waiting for her to arrive at the Finger Lakes in upstate New York, I stocked the ‘fridge, glowered at the rain, and tested a racing kayak with a small, narrow cockpit.
Kayaking went…poorly. I do not recommend cockpits with narrow openings for long-legged persons. No matter how much yoga you do, there are limitations on leg bendiness.
Once my no-longer-potentially rabid sister arrived, I spent a day of our vacation driving her to a University’s Infectious Disease clinic, where she horrified American doctors with stories of overzealous overseas doctors who swear by amputation. The brand new resident, who had yet to master her medical poker face, actually blurted out, “I’m from India and that’s some insane shit right there!”
We got one semi-sunny day together with another sister and then I was off to New Hampshire. In more rain.
Amidst sprinkles, Ex-Stepmother and yet another sister went with me to check out a tour of historic homes in Sandwich, New Hampshire.
I’d been dying to see the view from the Wentworth House for years. It did not disappoint.
After I cleaned the spiders out of my trusty old kayak, I took it out on the one sunny morning and stayed gloriously dry while I quietly looked for loons and their chicks.
The rest of the family — especially First Nephew — prefers noisy power boats to kayaks. First Nephew loves to go tubing. We took Ex-Stepmother’s power boat out…only to have it sputter and die in the middle of a large lake. We waited an hour to drift into cell service and then another hour for the tow boat to arrive.
Ex-Stepmother was distraught, saying, “I have never had this happen! I’ve never run out of gas, I’ve never needed a tow!”
I patted her arm and told her not to worry. “It’s just because the Californian Mistress of Minor Disasters showed up.”
“And rain,” said Ex-Stepmother. “Looks like more clouds are blowing in.”
Later we discovered the ignition fuse had blown. The mechanic had no idea why and of course it would take a lot of money for him to explore and diagnose the problem. He told us to stay close to shore for now. Like real close. Docked, even.
Brilliant Blonde Lawyer Sister texted me when she heard about the dead boat. “So…no offense, but I think I wouldn’t want to sit next to you on the plane back to L.A. Also, when are you flying home? I want to know when it will stop raining on the East Coast.”
And now you all know why, even though I haven’t posted in weeks, I’m not dead yet.
Just awfully wet.