My father had a terrible temper. When he unloaded a barrage of profanity at the washing machine, my siblings and I fled. God forbid his gaze landed on you when he was pissed – you could easily be the next target. On the other hand, you couldn’t go completely out of earshot. If you did, and the man needed a hammer or wrench or rag, and you weren’t there to supply it, you’d definitely get hit with the next blast of fury. Continue reading Lights Out (#99)
You’re probably having the same reaction as most new acquaintances and coworkers. “Your in-laws live in Hawaii?! How awesome is that?” Continue reading Sunny, with a Chance of Thanksgiving (#98)
The Treaty of the Religious Wedding Ceremony ended our War Over the Wedding Location with Andy’s parents. One of the conditions was that we would spend the Thanksgiving after our wedding with Jay and Sunny. During the week we were there, they would host a Chinese-style wedding banquet, mainly for Jay’s family members.
Andy’s parents called once before we left to get our flight information. Sunny asked Andy if there was anything we wanted to eat. He told her no, anything was fine. Which it was – FOR HIM. Andy can – and will – eat anything from animal brains (inaccurately, but oh-so innocently labeled “sweetbreads”) to Rocky Mountain Oysters (bulls’ balls). Continue reading Thanksgiving with Jay (#97)
I took a boyfriend home for Thanksgiving at my Ex-Stepfather’s house. Once. Ethan came from a small, immigrant family and thought my description of tons of food, alcohol, card games, and siblings sounded awesome.
“Mostly we play Hearts,” I warned him. “It’s brutal.”
“Hearts? Cool. I’m good at Hearts.” Continue reading Hearts & Turkeys (#96)
My roommate says, “Why do you keep watching?! It only makes you cry!”
I watch anyway. The hardest part comes later in the day, as I watch long lines of Americans waiting to donate blood.
There are less than 5 survivors to receive it. Continue reading To Look Away (#95)
My siblings and I once celebrated Thanksgiving in the traditional fashion. We met at my Ex-Stepfather’s house in the DC suburbs and pigged out. Family members brought appetizers and wine. (A LOT of wine.) Drinking, eating, and cards started around noon. Football games played on the living room TV. The turkey was usually served by 4 PM. Dishes were finished around 7. Our exercise consisted of a slow walk around the neighborhood about 7:30.
Big Brother’s Wife wrecked our tradition of sloth and gluttony. Continue reading Turkey Chase (#94)
I am postponing my promised post on the 10K Turkey Chase for an important announcement!
NO, I am NOT pregnant. Perish the thought. Also, stop thinking that every time a married woman says she has an important announcement. Continue reading No Way! A Blogger Award Nomination! (#93)
Running is a big deal these days. There’s running gear, running clubs, and races for every holiday. Everyone I know seems to be doing a marathon.
When I was a kid, I only ran when Big Brother chased me. I’m pretty sure that’s the only time he ran, either. Continue reading Turkey Running (#92)
On the weekends, I wake before Andy. I shuffle into the kitchen, turn on the coffee maker, and scoop the oatmeal into bowls. Invariably, one scoop is bigger than the other. Invariably, my hand always reaches for the bigger bowl first.
It is instinctive.
It’s also as unusual as hell. Women – especially in LA – are all about small portions. Continue reading The Pie (#91)