Anchor Babies (#79)

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My friend M recently passed a young woman with a pack walking alone on a deserted rural road in the United States. In the rain. Now, I’d see this as a potential opening scene for a horror movie. M saw it as a Nicholas Sparks book. M stopped and offered the soaked young woman (we’ll call her “Anna”) a ride. Continue reading Anchor Babies (#79)

Clash of the Utensils (#78)

You wouldn't eat a grapefruit with chopsticks...
You wouldn’t eat a grapefruit with chopsticks, would you?

Chopsticks never made any sense to me. Eating rice with them is a special kind of torture. I’d corner a pile of rice on my plate, smoosh it together with chopsticks, and lose half the pile on the way to my mouth. The futility of eating rice with chopsticks was inversely proportional to the size of the rice pile; the smaller the pile, the harder it was to get a few grains to your mouth. There were times when I’d manage to get two grains of rice in my mouth. This is fantastic for dieting, but lousy for sustenance. Continue reading Clash of the Utensils (#78)

Honeymooners (#77)

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Timo and his wife playing a traditional Finnish game at their wedding. Courtesy of Crazy Chinese Family.

On our honeymoon, the other guests were also mostly honeymooners, and young ones at that. It was a little like high school. No one spoke to anyone else.

This suited Andy fine. “If we meet someone new, you’re going to tell them all the same boring stories I’ve heard a million times. How we met. How you thought I was a terrorist because I had a beard, how I stole you from Ethan, and all that.” Continue reading Honeymooners (#77)

All You Can Eat Honeymoon (#76)

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I wanted to go to England for our honeymoon. Andy wanted to go lie on a beach.  Since Andy yielded to me on pretty much all the “Autumn in New England” wedding details, I gave in on the honeymoon. Continue reading All You Can Eat Honeymoon (#76)

Me Neither (#75)

When will the bride and groom get to enjoy some of their own wedding cuisine in peace?
When will the bride and groom get to enjoy some of their own wedding cuisine in peace? When pigs fly, of course.

Married persons —

Do you remember all the lovely food at your wedding? The cuisine that you carefully selected in advance? The hors d’oeuvres of bacon-wrapped scallops, chicken satay, or asparagus goat cheese brioche? Can you recall the taste of the prime rib, or the mushroom ravioli?

Yeah, me neither. Continue reading Me Neither (#75)

Baby Hog (#74)

Second Niece, clearly sizing  up my dress.
Second Niece, sizing up my dress.

When Andy and I got married, I had two nieces that I adored. There was First Niece, daughter of Judgmental Genius Doctor Sister. First Niece was a flower girl in our wedding. When I met First Niece as a baby, I had her out of her carrier and in my arms in under two seconds. She repaid me with a massive diaper blowout (while her parents laughed for ten minutes), but all is forgiven when you are First Niece. Continue reading Baby Hog (#74)

One Beastly Dance (#73)

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My Chinese-American husband and I met in the competitive partner dancing world. My boyfriend/ partner at the time (Ethan) didn’t want to compete anymore. He said, “Hey, you should dance with Andy.”

THAT was a tactical error. Continue reading One Beastly Dance (#73)