Bridesmaids Revolt (#52)

IMG_3901About five months before my wedding, my bridesmaids rebelled. Well, not all of them. Five of my bridesmaids were my sisters and half-sisters. My maid of honor and the other two bridesmaids were not related to me. They were my best girlfriends. Guess which group of bridesmaids revolted.

You’re right! It was my sisters. They hated the bridesmaid dresses.

My sisters didn’t mind the style, which was very similar to my wedding dress – two pieces, laced in the back, square neckline, flowing sleeves (that could be detached with Velcro), and floor length. Pretty Space Cadet Sister was even psyched that the style was perfect for her SCA/ Renaissance Fair hobbies.

It was the colors that they hated. I was getting married in the fall in New Hampshire, and I wanted the colors to be an autumn (ha, ha) palette. Reds, golds, yellows, oranges, etc.

I really didn’t think the colors were so awful. Not compared to some of the bridesmaid dresses I’d worn.  The first time I was a bridesmaid, in a small southern town, my dress was made out of curtain fabric. Or sofa fabric, maybe. I’m not kidding. We’re talking the stiff, thick, unmistakable upholstery fabric. (On the plus side, ironing would never be necessary. Well, it wouldn’t have been necessary if I had ever worn the dress again.)

My first bridesmaid dress looked like this.  Courtesy of http://vintageimagesfree.blogspot.com/2013/11/digital-scrapbook-background.html
My first bridesmaid dress looked like this. Courtesy of http://vintageimagesfree.blogspot.com/2013/11/digital-scrapbook-background.html

When one of the other bridesmaids asked what music would be playing during our processional, I sang a few bars of “Do-Re-Mi” from The Sound of Music. Two other bridesmaids were amused. The bride was not.

But as I walked down the aisle before the bride, I noticed several uniformed military officers in the pews. One was a Captain. He gave my dress a quizzical once over. Luckily, he didn’t say, “Are those CURTAINS?” I wouldn’t have been able to hold it together. As it was, all the pictures show me with a huge grin on my face. But hey, I wore the dress and I didn’t complain. I really wished I kept it to take a picture for this post, though.

I look terrible in red, but I’ve worn two red bridesmaid dresses, as well as purple, solid dark green, and of course, the curtains. I bought all the dresses and never complained. It wasn’t my day, it was the bride’s, it was my job to be helpful and make her life easier.

My sisters DID NOT share this viewpoint.  Our conversations about dresses went something like this:

Brilliant Blonde Lawyer Sister: “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You want me to wear orange?”

Me (weakly): “But…autumn colors…please?”

Brilliant Blonde Lawyer Sister: “I’ll look awful. You’re trying to make me look awful. Why are you trying to make me look awful?”

Baby Singing Sister: “Oh my god, Autumn! Gold is so tacky!”

Boyfriend Stealing Baby Sister: “Why does Judgmental Genius Doctor Sister get dark green? I want dark green. I could be Fiona from Shrek this Halloween.”

Judgmental Genius Doctor Sister: “Dark green is mine. Autumn and I made a deal. It’s not my fault you guys weren’t smart enough to negotiate when she was trying to come up with eight bridesmaids.”

Pretty Space Cadet Sister: “Don’t worry, I’ll wear whatever you want. As long as I get the red dress.”

Me: “But M gets the red dress. It’s her thing.”

Pretty Space Cadet Sister: “Why can’t there be two red dresses? I’m the shortest.”

Me: “What does height have to do with dress color?!”

Brilliant Blonde Lawyer Sister: “Clearly, Autumn is trying to make us all look terrible. This way she will look prettier by comparison.”

Me: “I just wanted you to look like the gorgeous leaves on oaks and maples and sycamores!”

Judgmental Genius Doctor Sister: “Not me. I’m an evergreen, suckers.”

Of course I caved in the end. All eight dresses wound up being made of green velvet. I did have a talented friend make 8 necklaces and 8 sets of earrings out of orange, red, and yellow Swarovski crystals, however.  And I did insist that all attendants show up hours early on the day of the wedding to get their hair put up exactly to my liking before the ceremony.

Because there’s a little Bridezilla in all of us.

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Autumn Ashbough

WF writing about the humorous perils of life with Chinese-American significant other.

15 thoughts on “Bridesmaids Revolt (#52)”

  1. Sorry to hear your sisters were unwilling to GIVE on your wedding day. Frustrating!! I’m sure wearing the curtains was not wonderful. Of course you didn’t complain. Hopefully Karma will take care of the rest! xo

  2. I’m a pink, purple, blue kind of person. For my first wedding (and the only one I had real bridesmaids) it was yellow for the matron of honor and green for the rest. How did this happen? Something along the lines of your exchanges. “My hair is red I can’t possibly wear anything in the pink family.” “Blue isn’t good for my complexion!” “Nobody wears purple (in all fairness this was in the dark ages and no one did wear purple for a wedding).” On the other hand I wore a collection of homely dresses when I was in a wedding without a complaint. I remember a two tone full length, brown on the bottom and white on top with a bright pink sash. The bottom was a full swishy pant style which made it a nightmare to pee. I wish I would have kept that for humor sake. Of course the brides always said, “You can wear this afterward” and I never did.

  3. I have seen some awful, awful bridemaid’s dresses but they were like you, they wore it because of the fact that it was the bride’s day.

    I only had two bridemaids when I got married in Canada and they actually picked out their own dresses. I told them as long as they are black and a similar length and design, I didn’t care. They were simple but chic.

  4. For the record this dress did turn out to be the best Halloween costume. I was correct and it made a fantastic Princess Fiona costume!

    1. You know, I was gonna add an addendum later about how all the dresses were worn again, unlike every other bridesmaid dress on the planet. But I was TRYING not to give away the fact that the wedding had already happened quite yet. 🙂 Miss BFBS, if you send me a picture, though, of the costume, I will post it with the addendum.

  5. That would have been super cool if they were all different colors for Autumn…. Autumn! (har har).

    Green velvet oooooooooooooooo. I wish I could see photos!

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